Story: 'Alan's life changes.'

Hope you enjoy.

Alan's life changes.

Feedback very welcome.

Brisbane, from my own perspective, the moral of the story should be set within the story itself, not stuck on at the end. After a nice piece of writing, I felt the ending a bit of a let down. Maybe you could rework it a bit, so that the words once said to Alan ended up having a direct and detrimental effect on his life further down the line. Something that works in a narrative.

It was very interesting. Was it based on truth? It seemed as if that certainly could happen. I know of a few cases that are similar to that one that have actually ended in a similar way.

I liked it, very good, I hope we see more like that one!

Thanks for feedback Gypsy Hack, I must admit when I read it back I felt perhaps I should have done more but at the same time I didn't want to go on and make the story lose the flow. It's always helpful to get advice though I'll remember that for the next one I write.

Hi Jabberwocky,

Yes it was, it as my dad. I took the story from the words that was said to him and can remember him being upset and I think when he got cancer it came back to him what someone had said.

Hi Jabberwocky,

Yes it was, it as my dad. I took the story from the words that was said to him and can remember him being upset and I think when he got cancer it came back to him what someone had said.

As they say, write what you know and you did a good one there.

Thanks! I find it easier to write about things that have happened.

Right bedtime for me as early start in the morning.

Thanks for the comments. I'll have to think of what I will write about next, another sleepless night putting the words into some sort of order.

This tale is short and to the point, brisbane. With regard to the ending I think it's OK.

People often say things in anger and really don't mean them. An adult would not brood about them for years normally.......that's simply, well, just life I suppose.

In a similar situation I suppose the hurtful words would return to one's mind in extremis...that's only natural. How poignant.

Well done!

Thanks for your comments Shoeshine. My next story will be a happier one.

Thanks for your comments Shoeshine. My next story will be a happier one.

I also realised,brisbane, that this was from real life. Write it as it is, not as someone else wants you to write it. Well done.

Thanks Pattrica, glad you enjoyed it.

That’s a nice story Brisbane, the beginning & the middle is nicely paced but the end section is a bit sudden -- the moral does needs integrating better.

The story is told in a linear fashion through time, absolutely nothing wrong with that normally but I’d consider moving the scenes around a little to draw the reader in, for example, have the confrontation with the irate motorist at the beginning of the story, then have Alan go to the café to brood about it and think about his life in flashback, then cut to a scene where Alan is given the bad news about his illness and he thinks back to the motorists ill conceived remark.

That way the story “follows an arc” and the first and last scenes act as “bookends” for the rest of the story.

Keep up the good work.