More spooky nonsense for you.

Night Drive. (http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1158078134.doc)

I’ll try my hand at comedy next time. (Whaddya mean? You thought all my contributions WERE comedy?)

Something very Stephen King-ish about that.
In other words, excellent!
More please.

Very, very good. For pure story, it's probably the best I've read from this group so far. With some polishing of the writing (the paragraph with the German ECU grated a bit) I think you should seriously consider sending this story on the rounds.

Nice one.

I did like this a lot.Very clever and at a good fast pace.Held my attention.Great.

I feel like I had been on the journey with the guy, I was out of breath just reading! Brilliant. Totally agree with Jabberwocky that it had got the Stephen King edge to it. Yes, great read!:thumbsup:

I particularly liked the sentence"It whirled around at my approach" ,it reminds me a bit of "Ghostbusters" I agree also that it leaves you out of breath.Terrific! Good enough to be published.

Thanks for the feedback, particularly Gypsy Hack who is 100% correct about the German ECU, - the first draft was chopped about and considerably revised but I forgot to amend that paragraph.

Let’s replace it with:

I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!”

Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience. :D

Thanks for the feedback, particularly Gypsy Hack who is 100% correct about the German ECU, - the first draft was chopped about and considerably revised but I forgot to amend that paragraph.

Let’s replace it with:

I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!”

Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience. :DNope, its not a Womans Own story type. Cant stop thinking about the story and how well its written.

By the way what is the name of the Elton song ? Is it "Pin Ball Wizard" or summat ? Been sending me mad all day. :huh:

Yes, it’s “Pinball wizard” - I’m sure that Jabberwocky could confirm this as I understand he bears an uncanny resemblance to Elton John and performs as his stunt double at weekends.

Mutter mutter mumble mutter bloody mutter mumble Elton bloody mumble John...

I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!” Yes, that suits the pace of the story much better. Glad you agree.

Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience. :D Oh go on, it'll be a laugh.

Otherwise, you could try Dark Wisdom magazine. http://www.darkwisdom.com. Check the guidelines before sending, and enquire before sending the story. Good luck if you decide to try it, think the standard is quite high. Give us a shout if you want a fuller critique of it before sending it off.

Cheers Gypsy Hack, I’ll get a copy of the ‘Dark Wisdom’ magazine to check it out, Judging by the front covers I suspect that they specialise in dark visceral horror and my story may be a little too light for them, but you never know.

Also I may need permission from Jabberwocky Elton’s lawyers to use the Pinball Wizard lyrics that are integral to the plot, so that’s another small problem to look into.

I’m not ruling out the “Womans own” option either – then if I ever get as popular as J K Rowling and they want to interview me I can say truthfully “You told me to get stuffed!” :)

Cheers Gypsy Hack, I’ll get a copy of the ‘Dark Wisdom’ magazine to check it out, Judging by the front covers I suspect that they specialise in dark visceral horror and my story may be a little too light for them, but you never know. In my opinion, your story is contempory horror, which suits the magazine. They are not into explicit violence, and whilst they do publish Lovecraftian tales, originality is a must. Parts of your story are plenty dark anyway, particularly the account of the gypsy woman.

Also I may need permission from Jabberwocky Elton’s lawyers to use the Pinball Wizard lyrics that are integral to the plot, so that’s another small problem to look into. True, copyright can be a killer for things like that. Could I offer a suggestion? I don't believe the lyrics are 'integral' to the plot, although they do play an important part in the development of the story. But mostly in the sense that the protagonist needs to be listening to music in his car. So, instead of turning on a radio, he puts a tape on, one that may have been handed to him as a 'tip' by his last fare. The tape is of an unknown band, fictional, so you needn't worry about copyright. Write your own lyrics. You could work it into the ending as well, hinting right at the end that the last passenger may have been a part of the night's events all along. Hey, maybe instead of the fare giving him the tape, its his son's band who he's listening to, and his son belts out the final, prophetic lyrics to end the story. How dark is that...

WARNING – story spoiler, do not read until you have read “Night Drive”

The lyrics are integral when you consider that the faceless entity is a deaf dumb & blind kid, who sure plays a mean pinball with a (silver) car that he pummels into a silver ball of scrap.

However, your idea has merit, developing it further lets say the taxi driver finds the tape in the boot of the car at the airport, the tape is his son’s heavy metal band and through flashback we learn that the son committed suicide after being horribly disfigured in a car accident caused by his father, something really gruesome like smashing into the back of a lorry and a caustic chemical pours out to melt the kids face.

The final lyrics as the car catapults towards the concrete post:

“I’M GONNA GET YOU, I’M GONNA DRAG YOU TO HELL WHERE IT BURNS! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!”

Sleep well :)

What I meant was, the story would still be a great story without the lyrics. They are neat little touches, and it sucks that you'd have to change them to get round copyright, but it can be done without making a lot of difference to the story as a whole. PS no flashbacks. Story doesn't need them, would only slow it down. The beauty of this story is its simplicity.

Sleep like a baby...

Excellent story Mantaspook, I was right there in the car, as the driver speeded up so did my reading, I think I knew from the start that we were racing towards a crash but there was no way to avoid it, I had to get to that last line, then breathe.
Dave..