Have you had a long distance relationship? [Archive]

hmr44

10-09-2006, 21:10

Jabberwocky

10-09-2006, 21:13

I was in Sheffield, my other half was in Leicester, and we had a relationship and it worked out perfectly.
Shes now lumbered with me for life! She often tells people that of all the nasty things that can come from a computer, viruses, worms, porn and stuff, I was the very WORST thing that she got!

Im still deciding if thats a compliment or not...

torin8

10-09-2006, 21:19

I've had four.... all varying distances and they are so hard it hurt. You have to fully trust them and everyone they meet. Usually we met monthly or even every 2-3 months and kept up talking online and on phone. Mine all ended up with a breakup after 1.5 years, the distance was too great and I guess we both ended up living in our own separate worlds.

Things I would suggest - call but don't harrass. See eachother on a regular as possible basis and be prepared.
It's worked for others, so dont take my bad experience to much to heart. I found someone a lot closer in the end :)

Sal22

10-09-2006, 21:21

I think it can work, 4 months after we met while working at a kids holiday camp me and hotty did long distance for a year. We saw each other every 2 weeks. Wasn't great but it will really make you appreciate the person and make an effort when you see them.
We are still together 5 year later.
Good Luck

princess_rockchick

10-09-2006, 21:22

I did one once, never again. Well not that fair a distance anyway.
You gotta be 100% trusting towards them, ignore any thoughts that go through your mind because otherwise it won't work.
Mine failed after 8 months. I was so cut and hurt about it, i was only 18 years old at the time, never been in once since.

tinkabel

10-09-2006, 23:28

spacedoggie

10-09-2006, 23:59

Don't go a bundle on them anymore.

You tend to lose your weekends and that means your friends, and that isn't very healthy.

They work for a while, but you have to get under the same roof soon.

avid_merrion

11-09-2006, 00:02

I lived in Germany she lived in Halifax. Within a couple of months she was bedding her boss. Wont do it again.

shelby46

11-09-2006, 00:16

Clemantined

11-09-2006, 02:43

How about 4,000 miles difference???? Well it wasn't easy that's for sure. He' from Barnsley and I am from the US. It was definately not an easy relationship but I am glad we stuck thru it! We have been married for just over 2 years. He lives here in the US and is verry happy here. He gets homesick from time to time but that's to be expected. We try to make it back to Barnsley every year and a half.

:)

Ha3el

11-09-2006, 07:47

When i lived in lincolnshire my then boyfriend, who id been with for some time, started going to hull uni but was commuting so still got to see him quite a bit. however, within a few weeks after he started staying over for parties etc he soon met someone else. however, when first met current bf he lived in doncaster and i still lived in lincs and we're still together 6yrs later, tho its wasnt long distance for all that long as i moved up this way to be nearer as had no reason to stay where i was.

Have also known friends have long dist relationships in all honesty most time it doesnt work out - but it can. The thing is to be able to trust easch other when apart as its often the jealousy that can be the problem with not knowing what the other is up to. also there will be times when he wants to stay and spend weekends with uni friends instead of coming back and when he is back he will want to see other friends and family too as well as you. if you love each other enough and arent jealous/clingy types then it can work, just be prepared to be able to give him space when he is back too.

good luck,
hazel xx

babychickens

11-09-2006, 08:02

3.5 years - him in sheffield, me in london. we'd been together for about 2 months when i decided to move there, and nearly a year by the time i actually went. we've been married for 3 years now and have a beautiful daughter, but i won't say it wasn't hard - we saw each other every 2/3 weeks, but often when he came to see me i'd be working anyway, so he'd pass the time by himself (he knows london better than me, and i'm the one that was living there!). we spent a lot of time on the phone, at least twice a day. there was only once that i was missing him so much that he actually jumped on the train and came to see me mid week. you have to try really hard not to have suspicions (really, what does it matter if your partner gets a snog with someone else? they've still chosen you as their number one, but they will get lonely. as long as it doesn't go too far) and not to put your stresses and worries on your partner - the distance will make it hard enough, without just showing your worst personality traits to each other.

the lack of weekend interaction with your work colleagues/university friends can make things rather difficult - it took me nearly 3 years to really settle in london. i think the biggest thing though is not to worry about it. I think it's more likely to work if you don't spend too much time analysing it and looking for faults. What's the worst that's going to happen? You grow apart, in which case you've got some fabulous time together to remember.

banesmabes

11-09-2006, 08:03

I've had two long-distance relationships. One was York to Newcastle, which lasted about 9 months. We saw each other every weekend, which I regretted in the end because it felt like I never had any 'me' time and it cost a fortune doing all that travelling. However, it wasn't really the distance that killed it in the end, it would have ended even if he'd lived next door.

The other relationship was with someone 5,000 miles away!! And yes, it was the distance that ended that one!

babychickens

11-09-2006, 08:03

Moonbird

11-09-2006, 08:06

Don't go a bundle on them anymore.

You tend to lose your weekends and that means your friends, and that isn't very healthy.

They work for a while, but you have to get under the same roof soon.
I'm sorry Sunshine but i have to agree with this, i saw a couple of people one in dorset for a year, then one near Nottingham for 2 years and both times the distance won out (well that and other things in the latter case)
I do think it can work out but like spacedoggie says you do have to be able to make that commitment.
It also helps if you have your own transport :sad: if you work hard at staying in touch and as you said you are the best of friends and there is trust you stand a fighting chance.
Good luck with it all Sunshine i hope it all works out great for you both. :)

KenH

11-09-2006, 08:09

It is hard to believe that this thread is about long distance relationships and you are talking about Lincoln. You need to pull yourself together, Lincoln is virtually round the corner.

Kthebean

11-09-2006, 08:13

Nah you will be fine! Lincoln is really close on a direct train. Remember to be excited about his new life and the oppurtunities that not being with your boyfriend 24/7 will throw your way.

The most you can do is try, pickle :)

Sugar_Kiss

11-09-2006, 08:31

Tiphphinne

11-09-2006, 08:41

I lived in the USA while my bf lived in Sheffield...for 3 years...now we've been married for 6 years so yeah i would say it worked out fine

Sugar_Kiss

11-09-2006, 08:42

I lived in the USA while my bf lived in Sheffield...for 3 years...now we've been married for 6 years so yeah i would say it worked out fine

aww bless ya! that must have been so hard for both of you

stackmonkey

11-09-2006, 08:58

I have a friend in yorkshire. He met his boyfriend in the US (New York), saw each other for a year, moved in for 3 more years and then moved back to England (alone). They're still together in the relationship despite living on opposite sides of the atlantic for 4 years and see each other every month, alternating who flies. It helps that they have a decent income to do this of course, but I can't help but admire the strength of a relationship that can cope with such a distance for so long.

babychickens

11-09-2006, 09:40

It is hard to believe that this thread is about long distance relationships and you are talking about Lincoln. You need to pull yourself together, Lincoln is virtually round the corner.

Surely it makes no difference how far it is as soon as you can't see each other more than just at weekends?

kimmie

11-09-2006, 10:01

i had one, i was in sheffield he was in birmingham! we split after 2years! he expected me to frop everything i had in sheffield and move there!
Its hard, i used to go see him every 2weeks,a nd i used to cry every time it came to goinghome, and for days after i used to cry, we used to talk every night on the phone!
when we split i realised i had a life back!
It is hard and it does hurt!

SupraSteve

11-09-2006, 10:24

I think that your best chance of success is to stay in touch a lot - email/phone/text all count. My gf is in Sheffield and I'm near Worcester but we're making it work, and we see each other at least every fortnight.

simondjuk

11-09-2006, 10:45

Ive had a long distance relationship. I was in Sheffield, my other half was in Kent. We hit it off and we have now been together for 6 years, married for 1 of them as of yesterday

Dark Moomin

11-09-2006, 11:02

When we met My bf and I lived in the same place, initially only saw each other a couple of times a week. But over time we would see each other every weekend and some nights in the week too. But cos we lived close if stuff came up at the weekend it didn't matter cos we would still see each other in the week.

I then moved to Sheffield for work and we've had to go long distance. Its been almost a year now, and its been hard, but I don't think the relationshiop has suffered. Fortunately cos we both work we can see each other every weekend. The main downside is that now everyweekend is prioritised for him. I wouldn't say that I have lost any friends over it, but it does make planning things a littl ehard sometimes to make sure we see each other and get to do other stuff. I think what is making it bearable is that I know we are working towards being closer again, hopefully he will be getting a new job nearer here in less than a year so I know there's an end in sight.

You both need to be realistic, and talk! If you have good communication in the rek,lationship and are able to talk about how you are feeling as the relationship changes I think you will do much better. Of course you should also bear in mind that going to uni is faily life changing, he'll meet new people, probably develop new tastes and will quite rightly want to expereince all the new things open to him. IMO the best way to do this as a couple is to let him have space to do it, but also try to show an interest too. If he's going out with flat m,ate, let him go sometimes on his own, but let him know that you'd like to get to know his new friends too, and would like to go out with them some times too. As long as you're not a clingy gf type that they'll take the mick over and can go out and have a good time with them all I think it'll help keep your lives connected in someway,. you'll know some of the people he'll be talking about etc.

But above all, its trust. I don't think I could've done a long distance relationship at uni - too many temptations, and I was insecure so very hard to trust someone! But only you know your relationship.

Hope it works out for you x

CockneyMafia

11-09-2006, 11:30

Have you had one? Did it work out.

Its not a massive distance, but my boyfriend is moving to go to Lincoln university and I'm going to miss him soooo much :( and he feels the same.

I think and hope it'll work out because we both like each other a lot, we've only been going out 3 or 4 months but it feels like forever and we're really good friends too.

Anyway - I'll try and make this as unsoppy as I possible can lol.

How did you make it work, how often did you see each other etc.....

xxx

When I was at uni, just about every person I knew who arrived with a partner finished with them in the first year. Not one relationship survived intact or without some form of affair taking place.

Too much temptation around.

I guess long distance relationships can work, but bear in mind there is a massive difference between someone moving to say a new job, and someone moving to uni, which is effectively three years of going out partying with a big bunch of people.

I hope you situation can buck the trend! :)

minnime

11-09-2006, 11:37

aww sunshine sorry to hear this but u know what they say absent makes the heart grow fonder good luck hun:)

Faye12

11-09-2006, 11:50

I have been in a situation like that fairly recently, and my boyf moved to somewhere fairly near to lincoln, ive sent you an email to hotmail, hope you get it.

:thumbsup:

CockneyMafia

11-09-2006, 11:59

i went out with someone from essex! was awful, and no it didnt work out.

how long you been together??

What was worse?

The fact he was an Essex boy or the fact it was long distance?

I suspect the former.

:)

Ousetunes

11-09-2006, 12:05

Yes i have, i was in york, he was in sheffield, we saw each other every 3 weeks or so and then we started staying over at each others houses, we did this for a year and a half before i moved in with him and we were together 3 years.

Blimey, this is almost creepy!

Because I was in Sheffield and she was a penfriend (altogether now, aah) in York. (I had about 14 penfriends from across the world and she was the only one north of Sheffield. It made sense to meet up.)

We had an intense relationship for nearly 20 months and I mean intense in the fact that we were young (18 and 17), full of youthful 'desire' and really keen to make a go of it.

Trust never came into the equation. We had written to each other for two years (and I could write up to ten sides at a time, two to three letters a week [this was way before mobile phones and emails]) so we practically knew each other inside out.

Having to wait a fortnight between seeing each other was almost unbearable, but the 'release', both emotional but certainly sexual, was phenomenol. We'd have two to three days together then by the last day we'd be all sad and there'd be tears at our parting. It was the old romantic platform scene time and again, the train leaving, hands clasping for the last time and tears welling up in our eyes!

But it worked and I don't think it was difficult to make it work. It was obviously what we both wanted. And it made each other weekend feel like a mini-holiday. I'd be up in York, then she'd see me in Sheffield. Her education took her over the Pennines and so we had weekends in Ormskirk, Southport and Liverpool.

It was crazy and it was fun. But we both had our own freedom and probably weren't prepared to settle down at that age. One weekend I was with my g/f, the next would be a weekend with the lads.

As a married father with two children, I can't begin to imagine what that freedom must have felt like!!!

commuter

11-09-2006, 12:05

managed to maintain a good relationship between Sheff and Stuttgart for just over a year before Mrs Commuter moved over here. Married August ast year, Commuter Junior overdue now by a couple of days ......needless to say it worked for us. We were fortunate Ryanair and HLX had good services and the prices were reasonable so we managed to see each other for long weekends a couple of times a month. Stick it out at least you can drive to Lincoln :)

*Turbo*

11-09-2006, 12:07

I had a relationship with a girl in Dublin for about 6 weeks 7 years ago. Yep, it was an internet thing(:roll:)

We only saw each other three times but i knew it wouldn't work so i finished it. The fact i could tell very soon she would be much too clingy for me also had an effect.

Sorry though but unless your both 110% in love and committed i cant see it working with someone going to Uni. A new job possibly but not Uni. Too much partying and temptation while he's away.

If you moved to Lincoln with him it could be very different...

GazB

11-09-2006, 12:19

My ex was at uni in Manchester.

The one before that lived in Staffordshire.

The one before that lived in Huddersfield.

What are short-distance relationships like? I don't remember :)

LisaO

11-09-2006, 12:59

I'm in a long distance relationship at the moment, and I have to be honest and say that the only thing making it even semi-bearable is the fact that it's temporary. We've been together over 2 years, most of which we spent together in Sheffield (although I did a 3 month stint in London at one point so got very accustomed to good old National Express!), but I had to come back here to Aus at the end of July and he won't be back until mid October.

This time around is definitely harder, because we can't just jump on a coach or train if we're really missing each other. Also he doesn't have the internet at home or at work, so we have had to revive the old fashioned art of letter writing! The only chance we get to call is once a week (damn time difference and conflicting schedules) but at least we can text most days to keep up some sort of regular contact.

In our case that old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is definitely true - I can't wait for him to get back!! As others have said, the most MOST important thing is trust...if you don't trust each other 100% it's never going to work.

Good luck!!

Kthebean

11-09-2006, 13:03

Dont listen to them sunshine. I lived in Lincoln and theres not really that much partying to be had there :P

the-lioness

11-09-2006, 15:01

SupraSteve

11-09-2006, 16:03

they dont work in 99% of cases i bet.

i was seeing sum1 who i 'thought' i was in love with when i went to uni ( i quit after 4 months wanted to earn) and when i got there TOTALLY AND UTTERLY 4got the guy.... so much talent so much time to flirt its the best opportunity so GO FOR IT :)
Another useful post and insight into your mind :rolleyes:

I would say that a LOT more than 1% of these relationships work - just read back and you'll see that it's about 50/50 from the evidence just on this thread. The common theme from those that worked are trust and regular communication (and both parties wanting it to work of course). Seeing each other regularly seems to be another help but wasn't essential for everyone.

Good luck I say! :)

the-lioness

11-09-2006, 16:09

Another useful post and insight into your mind :rolleyes:

I would say that a LOT more than 1% of these relationships work - just read back and you'll see that it's about 50/50 from the evidence just on this thread. The common theme from those that worked are trust and regular communication (and both parties wanting it to work of course). Seeing each other regularly seems to be another help but wasn't essential for everyone.

Good luck I say! :)

oh yeh good luck but im just saying what i saw happen when i went to uni... i dont rememba one couple that stayed together.... but im sure some do!! and yeh good luck to them

iev had a long distance thing (he lived in cheshire) and although trust was never a problem- i found it difficult cos of the constant texting and phone calls which drove me round the bend- i like to see someone!! we met on hols and at first it was excitin and romantic but then i just didnt see the point so finished it,

Macca

11-09-2006, 16:22

oh yeh good luck but im just saying what i saw happen when i went to uni... i dont rememba one couple that stayed together.... but im sure some do!! and yeh good luck to them

iev had a long distance thing (he lived in cheshire) and although trust was never a problem- i found it difficult cos of the constant texting and phone calls which drove me round the bend- i like to see someone!! we met on hols and at first it was excitin and romantic but then i just didnt see the point so finished it,

Whereabouts in Cheshire?

the-lioness

11-09-2006, 16:27

Whereabouts in Cheshire?

Cheadle Hulme (the skanky part) why? the 100mph drives over the snake freyed my nerves too much :hihi:

Bago

11-09-2006, 16:29

I too had a LD relationship. I was in Sheffield, the bf was in London. We started off that way, but whatever promises the bf had in mind about LD working, we didn't last. It was hard to deal with problems whenever we had them. From what others have written, and I thought back to my own relationship, yes, I never expected the mistrust, and the sudden rearrangement of my whole life around one person. It's quite hard.

I'd seen LD relationships that worked out. My sister met her bf at uni. They only just moved in together for the past year. My cousin had a childhood sweetheart who he married eventually.

SimonS

11-09-2006, 16:30

I think you can make it work. Lincoln is close. Have faith and enjoy it.

When I first met my partner he worked away alot and looking back it was mega. I got to be the star-crossed lover waiting for the other to return from building childrens adventure playgrounds...... and ofcourse when he did come back he had just got paid! BINGO!

hmr44

11-09-2006, 18:06

Aw thanks for all your replies.

I havent been able to reply sooner, but I am definitley gunna stay with him as long as poss and if not I might consider moving, if he wanted me too, in a year or so. Its way too soon for that now cos we've only been together 3 or 4 months and as much as I like him, and have spent soooo much time with him and I'd love to live with him, it might just be a honeymood period, you never know!

KenH - Lincoln is far away when your used to living practically next door to each other :hihi:

The trust issue is a massive thing, I know that, and I do get a bit jealous cos I'm very sensitive. But I'm like that with everybody. I do trust him more than anyone and I know he'd never cheat on me now but I am a little worried about the hot girls that will come along :( but if he loves me as much as he says then I know he wouldn't cheat because he's really not like that (I know they all say that, but he's not!) but if he did then he'd be dumped straight away, I really really hope not though :P

EdnaKrabappe

11-09-2006, 22:09

I managed it for four years. I was at Leeds, he was here at home in Sheff. We not together now but that was nine years after it stopped being long distance - and after living with each other for that length of time. I did however then spend the next four years commuting to Leeds and killing myself but that's another story.

Pre mobiles, texts and emails. So we sort of had a routine.
Mon- we'd write each other a letter without fail. Sometimes played havoc with student night and i'd have to do it in lectures. But never missed in four years. Likewise him.
Tues - we wouldn't hear anything. :( Would add about mon night to the letter and post. Would call each other if we really wanted to but not set in stone.
Wed - I would get the letter in a familar blue airmail envelope. Everyone knew i got my letter then!
Thurs - He would call me from work (oops) and we'd spend about an hour on the phone
Fri - Either I'd call him or he'd call me. Out with mates.
Sat - I worked. He'd be there at mine when i got back or i'd come home to Sheff. If either of us wanted to go off for the weekend to see mates that was fine. My mother no longer lived in sheff either so i had to go to see her occasionally.
Sun -Spend day together. Either he stayed the night and went home early Mon morn or occasionally went home on Sun night- but those were the worst - hated saying bye whereas Mon morning would be get up and go!

Since him I've dated long distance - a guy from Leicester and a bloke from Bradford and considered people from elsewhere. None of them stopped because of the distance. Have car will travel.
Don't let distance spoil things. And make sure you both go to stay with each other - if it's all one way that's when things get nasty.