What if you are completely and utterly in love with someone, you worship the ground they walk on, get on like a house on fire, make each other laugh, care about one another, spend all your time with each other, and can't imagine them being with anyone else, but, they aren't willing or able to commit themself to you?

I'm talking purely hyperthetically here obviously and it's not like I'm stuck in this dilemma at all myself.........

:huh: :help:

I'd say to them..you dozey B*****d!! what planet are you on?

whats that saying 'if you love something let it go, if it comes back its for keeps' something like that, sorry to be so harsh but sometimes all it takes is for one of you to walk away, if you walk and they then follow, you know they feel the same.

Be cruel to be kind and good luck.

whats that saying 'if you love something let it go, if it comes back its for keeps' something like that, sorry to be so harsh but sometimes all it takes is for one of you to walk away, if you walk and they then follow, you know they feel the same.

Be cruel to be kind and good luck.

Thanks, good advise. It's the fear of them not following that's the problem. I would be, sorry, my mate would be (!) gutted if she didn't.

Jokes aside she means absolutely everything to me and I've never in my 28 years felt anything quite like I do about her.

She's unbelievable.

No dont be cruel!!! cruel to be kind is awful!!!

so is this about you YakQueudrue?

Has she said why she isnt willing to commit herself?

Then u will try and understand what it takes to commit. Whether it is something on her part, or whether it is something on your part. Sometimes it it a little time, and it will bloosom even more, and then you're hardly gonna NOT commit, cos it's too good to be true ! :)

I'd say hang in there. Oops. I mean, please do tell your friend to hang in there. Hehehehe....

Then u will try and understand what it takes to commit. Whether it is something on her part, or whether it is something on your part. Sometimes it it a little time, and it will bloosom even more, and then you're hardly gonna NOT commit, cos it's too good to be true ! :)

I'd say hang in there. Oops. I mean, please do tell your friend to hang in there. Hehehehe....

:hihi: cheers mate, yeah I'll pass that on to him...........!

I agree though, I'll wear her down eventually surely? If anyone could see her you'd believe me in when I say she's worth it.

[QUOTE=YakQueudrueIf anyone could see her you'd believe me in when I say she's worth it.[/QUOTE]

Incidently, she's not invisible.

So she is visible ? And the friend is invisible ?
Que ? :D

Well, I think that sometimes one person may see it first, and know that they're falling in love way before the other person. Until the other person really falls for you too, it's hard to totally commit. Just spend a lot of time together still,a nd see where it leads... When that right moment comes, just give her a peck on the lips ! Otherwise, if the moment is gone... you're gonna kick yourself forever. Be warned.

Yes, please do send my regards to the friend.

So she is visible ? And the friend is invisible ?
Que ? :D

Well, I think that sometimes one person may see it first, and know that they're falling in love way before the other person. Until the other person really falls for you too, it's hard to totally commit. Just spend a lot of time together still,a nd see where it leads... When that right moment comes, just give her a peck on the lips ! Otherwise, if the moment is gone... you're gonna kick yourself forever. Be warned.

Yes, please do send my regards to the friend.

I'll be honest, (not blowing ones own trumpet) she knows it too. She is a very independant person and finds commitment to anyone difficult. I know I make her happy, hell she practically lives at my house and stays here night after night, she wouldn't do that if I got right on her tits, which is incidently something I want to do.

I'm happy waiting and giving it time, because I do completely love her, however, if it's ultimately to no avail, I need to know now because I seriously don't look at any other women seriously while I still have her on my mind 24/7.

I'm happy waiting and giving it time, because I do completely love her, however, if it's ultimately to no avail, I need to know now because I seriously don't look at any other women seriously while I still have her on my mind 24/7.

Women will think like this, if you completely love her, and is sincere about it. Then you should already be committing yourself entirely and 'forever'. Not just a moment in time, and then let it by... commitment means just that. Some people won't commit until the other person commits first. It's...I dunno, it's stupid but... you both take risks, I suppose. All I know is that, the more u know each other, the less riskier it is...

Women will think like this, if you completely love her, and is sincere about it. Then you should already be committing yourself entirely and 'forever'. Not just a moment in time, and then let it by... commitment means just that. Some people won't commit until the other person commits first. It's...I dunno, it's stupid but... you both take risks, I suppose. All I know is that, the more u know each other, the less riskier it is...

She knows how commited I am to her, I couldn't make it any more obvious. We're going on holiday together with three other mates in a fortnight to Spain, having had two holidays with her on my own it'll wierd friends being there but who knows, maybe it'll persuade her I'm the one she belongs with?

Or it'll go tits up and she'll end up thinking I'm an obsessive ****.

We shall see........

I don't think you're being obsessive, if she's moved in with you !
Anyway, time will tell. Patience is a virtue.

I don't think you're being obsessive, if she's moved in with you !
Anyway, time will tell. Patience is a virtue.

She's not moved in with me, it's more a case of "Alright darlin, what you up to? If you fancy coming round, come round?"

"Yeah, but I won't stop, I'll just come up for a bit"

"Yeah, whatever, no problem my sweet"

"Right, see you in ten"

"Cool"

"Hi"

"****, what took you?"

"Oh **** off you ****"

"Only joking gorgeous!"

"You alright then?"

"Yeah good ta honey"

And then we have the most blinding night together of everything just feeling right and the her being my best mate in the entire world and pretty much spot on perfect.

What if you are completely and utterly in love with someone, you worship the ground they walk on, get on like a house on fire, make each other laugh, care about one another, spend all your time with each other, and can't imagine them being with anyone else, but, they aren't willing or able to commit themself to you?

I'm talking purely hyperthetically here obviously and it's not like I'm stuck in this dilemma at all myself.........

:huh: :help:

Well, if you "both" felt that way about each other then you wouldn't dream of asking the question. To be utterly in love and live the dream is a fallacy. We all have really good good times as the roller coaster comes to a pivot and even greater times on the way down but the ride comes to an end at some point and we realise certain things about people that we don't enjoy, usually when we start to live with them.

Life was never meant to be easy on any of us, we simply have to make the most of what we have got or change it. The simple fact is that if you love someone then you will tread the ends of earth for them but sometimes they will not do the same for you?

How long is a piece of string? You need to show some trust in your partner in order to gain some. We live in a shallow world and it is what is inside you that makes you the person you are, you will and must know how you feel about this person, go with your gut instinct and if you are let down then put it down to experience but never let it affect your capacity to love again.

Be true and free in spirit and if people hurt you don't imagine that everyone else wants to hurt you so. Be the bright and positive person you appear to be and you will always attract people, some who will hurt you and the majority who will love you.

You have just had a tough time and things will change for you, for the better.

Just give it time.

This will happen many times over your lifetime and you will begin to treat rejection with respect and only then can you give rejection to someone yourself and still respect yourself without doing it in a lame duck way.

I respect your post and I wish you the best of luck.

Your time will come when you least expect it.

Well, if you "both" felt that way about each other then you wouldn't dream of asking the question. To be utterly in love and live the dream is a fallacy. We all have really good good times as the roller coaster comes to a pivot and even greater times on the way down but the ride comes to an end at some point and we realise certain things about people that we don't enjoy, usually when we start to live with them.

Life was never meant to be easy on any of us, we simply have to make the most of what we have got or change it. The simple fact is that if you love someone then you will tread the ends of earth for them but sometimes they will not do the same for you?

How long is a piece of string? You need to show some trust in your partner in order to gain some. We live in a shallow world and it is what is inside you that makes you the person you are, you will and must know how you feel about this person, go with your gut instinct and if you are let down then put it down to experience but never let it affect your capacity to love again.

Be true and free in spirit and if people hurt you don't imagine that everyone else wants to hurt you so. Be the bright and positive person you appear to be and you will always attract people, some who will hurt you and the majority who will love you.

You have just had a tough time and things will change for you, for the better.

Just give it time.

This will happen many times over your lifetime and you will begin to treat rejection with respect and only then can you give rejection to someone yourself and still respect yourself without doing it in a lame duck way.

I respect your post and I wish you the best of luck.

Your time will come when you least expect it.

Awwww..that was a nice message!!

Accept all she offers as love lke this does not often occur. Think yourself lucky that she is not tied to someone else with chldren she will not leave and go on living the dream.
I have found only once or twice in a lifetime do you fall in love unconditionly, overwhelmingly like this, so enjoy it while you can and before the rest of the world creeps in.

hazel

take some photos and then mount them :D

wouldnt' the saddle crease them? :confused:

Neeiiigh :shakes:


;)

I need to let someone go but i'm finding this difficult cos i know theres no one else for me, I'm getting past it now fro new relationships. Ive lost an awful lot already this year and dont think i can take much more.

Awwww..that was a nice message!!

It most certainly was :thumbsup:

I need to let someone go but i'm finding this difficult cos i know theres no one else for me, I'm getting past it now fro new relationships. Ive lost an awful lot already this year and dont think i can take much more.
I know just how you feel.
My world has been torn apart by recent events, its hard to hang on and not let yourself go.

Sometimes writting it down is easier than saying it... thats what I found anyway.

Aw, I've been in the same kind of situation. I felt so much for that person and unfortunatley he didnt feel the same about me.

I was only about 16 at the time, and he thought, because I liked him so much then it must mean that I wanted to get married and stuff :confused: :roll:

I didnt at all! But then I did get engaged at 17 - to a different person, and then split up with them cos I couldnt handle the pressure. Oh god, why did I put myself through so many dodgy relationships!

Oh boy, this is a difficult one...

Nobody else can really advise you properly on what to do here, as only you know how strongly you feel about this person, how long you are willing to wait for her, and how much uncertainty you are able to cope with.

To be honest, I reckon this 'situation' could go on indefinitely - it sounds like you've been living in this situation for some time now, and there's no sign of any change on the horizon. Your basically living in limbo. Unless a factor changes somewhere, it's likely this will carry on... and carry on... and carry on....

If you're ok with that, and can live in the hope that something will suddenly change someday, and you're just happy living your life with this woman in it as a dear and close friend, that's great.

It seems to me, though, the fact you've brought this issue up on the Forum means that you've reached the stage where you really want/need some resolution?

In which case, you're going to have to change something. The risk is, of course, that you lose what you have now. You obviously have a fabulous friendship - but are you getting what you really need from this relationship? Only you can judge that.

If your friend knows how you feel, I don't know, maybe she values your friendship very highly, and doesn't want to risk losing that? Or maybe she's perfectly happy with the relationship as it is, in which case things are unlikely to change.

It's all a bit a*se about face - you're practically living with the woman, yet you don't have a 'relationship'? It's down to what you can cope with - is it enough for you to be such great friends with her, or is that eventually going to do your head in?

I'd say the time has come to take a risk somewhere, if you ever want the relationship to develop - perhaps have that dreaded 'conversation' with her about where she sees the two of you going, whether she sees a joint future, that sort of thing? That may jolt her out of any complacency she's perhaps fallen into, and make her realise how much she values having you in her life.

It's a risk, of course it is - but all of life's a risk.

Sorry to have gone on there - hope it's been of some use.

Good Luck to you, anyway :thumbsup:

StarSparkle

Oh boy, this is a difficult one...

Nobody else can really advise you properly on what to do here, as only you know how strongly you feel about this person, how long you are willing to wait for her, and how much uncertainty you are able to cope with.

To be honest, I reckon this 'situation' could go on indefinitely - it sounds like you've been living in this situation for some time now, and there's no sign of any change on the horizon. Your basically living in limbo. Unless a factor changes somewhere, it's likely this will carry on... and carry on... and carry on....

If you're ok with that, and can live in the hope that something will suddenly change someday, and you're just happy living your life with this woman in it as a dear and close friend, that's great.

It seems to me, though, the fact you've brought this issue up on the Forum means that you've reached the stage where you really want/need some resolution?

In which case, you're going to have to change something. The risk is, of course, that you lose what you have now. You obviously have a fabulous friendship - but are you getting what you really need from this relationship? Only you can judge that.

If your friend knows how you feel, I don't know, maybe she values your friendship very highly, and doesn't want to risk losing that? Or maybe she's perfectly happy with the relationship as it is, in which case things are unlikely to change.

It's all a bit a*se about face - you're practically living with the woman, yet you don't have a 'relationship'? It's down to what you can cope with - is it enough for you to be such great friends with her, or is that eventually going to do your head in?

I'd say the time has come to take a risk somewhere, if you ever want the relationship to develop - perhaps have that dreaded 'conversation' with her about where she sees the two of you going, whether she sees a joint future, that sort of thing? That may jolt her out of any complacency she's perhaps fallen into, and make her realise how much she values having you in her life.

It's a risk, of course it is - but all of life's a risk.

Sorry to have gone on there - hope it's been of some use.

Good Luck to you, anyway :thumbsup:

StarSparkle

Wise words, much appreciated :thumbsup:

Poor Yak.

You got to let them go for them to decide if they want you sometimes.

Someone I used to work with told me that when she was a barmaid this guy used to come into the pub most nights and ask her out. She always knocked him back as although she liked him a lot she wasn't interested. After about a year, he didn't turn up to the pub for a few weeks and she found herself wondering where he was. The next time he arrived was with a woman! The green eyed monster kicked in and my mate found herself reasserting her position! They've now been married 15 years.

It's crap when you meet someone, you know you'd be good together, you have a good laugh together, feel completely relaxed in their company but one of you wants more and the other doesn't.

I had a friend like this who kept "getting off with me" then pulling back, saying wonderful things and then retracting them. We were texting each other about twenty times a day. This went on for about a year and during that time I was completely devoted to him but then he met someone...

I remember having a big row with him as his new housemate (He moved to london as well) said he was an idiot to not snap me up, I said 'oh he hates me', my friend got really drunkenlly cross and upset and caused a huge embarrassing scene in a restaurant... this eventually lead to a tearful hug and even then telling me... "it won't last with E* you know, I don't feel anything like for her what I feel for you." They've now been dating for 2 years, They have been living together for about a year and I've not seen him in 18 months :( but probably was best thing to get me over him.

We talked a few months ago on msn when he finally admitted he had realised he'd not been fair on me, that he did use me although he didn't intend and because of our "history" that's why he's avoided seeing me even though as a mate he misses me like crazy... I think perhaps our paths will cross again and he'll always be there if i needed him and likewise back but I needed that space to get him out of my system.

So you could try walking away; there are the two paths. One like the first story i told or the one like mine but at least you will get peace of mind!

Poor Yak.

You got to let them go for them to decide if they want you sometimes.

Someone I used to work with told me that when she was a barmaid this guy used to come into the pub most nights and ask her out. She always knocked him back as although she liked him a lot she wasn't interested. After about a year, he didn't turn up to the pub for a few weeks and she found herself wondering where he was. The next time he arrived was with a woman! The green eyed monster kicked in and my mate found herself reasserting her position! They've now been married 15 years.

It's crap when you meet someone, you know you'd be good together, you have a good laugh together, feel completely relaxed in their company but one of you wants more and the other doesn't.

I had a friend like this who kept "getting off with me" then pulling back, saying wonderful things and then retracting them. We were texting each other about twenty times a day. This went on for about a year and during that time I was completely devoted to him but then he met someone...

I remember having a big row with him as his new housemate (He moved to london as well) said he was an idiot to not snap me up, I said 'oh he hates me', my friend got really drunkenlly cross and upset and caused a huge embarrassing scene in a restaurant... this eventually lead to a tearful hug and even then telling me... "it won't last with E* you know, I don't feel anything like for her what I feel for you." They've now been dating for 2 years, They have been living together for about a year and I've not seen him in 18 months :( but probably was best thing to get me over him.

We talked a few months ago on msn when he finally admitted he had realised he'd not been fair on me, that he did use me although he didn't intend and because of our "history" that's why he's avoided seeing me even though as a mate he misses me like crazy... I think perhaps our paths will cross again and he'll always be there if i needed him and likewise back but I needed that space to get him out of my system.

So you could try walking away; there are the two paths. One like the first story i told or the one like mine but at least you will get peace of mind!

Thanks Edna, your second story sounds sooo familiar!

Then your best bet is to accept they're decision and if you can't live with it, try and detach yourself from them as it's just screw your head up.

Then your best bet is to accept they're decision and if you can't live with it, try and detach yourself from them as it's just screw your head up.

And no-one is worth screwing your head up over

StarSparkle

However, it is better to have loved than to have never loved at all.

Perhaps she doesn't want to let you down in the long term. In other words, she feels for you, but can tell you feel more, so can't keep up with your feelings, nor match them. That's not her fault, nor yours. That's eventual.

Put her on a bungie rope, let he bounce, breathe, but don't let go.

OOh this rings big clanging bells with me too - I had a very similar "relationship" for 5 years with my "ex" - we were the bestest of friends (and fortunately still are) and I utterly worshipped the ground he walked on - he completely changed my life and was by my side at my utter lowest moments - however there were lots of times he wasn't there and he would never ever commit to me, wouldn't hold my hand in public, would only ever tell me how he felt when he was either drunk or when I was so mad at him he thought I might actually walk...

But anyway times changed - for me very drastically - I met my current lovely boyf and grabbed my chance of happiness with both hands and 2 months later left birmingham for sheffield and my "ex" behind....and I've never ever looked back....Thing is with a bit of space I did wonder how "in love" I actually was ever in with my "ex" and how much of it was the thrill of the chase and the constant "will they won't they" drama that seemed to follow us around....It's only now 2 and half years later he refers to ME as his ex - which is ironic since he'd never call himself my boyfriend when we were together....but we're now best friends again - chat every couple of weeks again and I feel I've kept hold of the best parts of our relationship.

So I guess my advice is - based on my own experience - that if this works out for you then whahey well done hope you live happily ever after - the bad news is that its kinda like living with a time bomb - sooner or later she'll meet someone and commit in a second and you need to be prepared for that - so keep your eyes open and don't think for a second she's the only one for you...cos in all honesty she probably isnt...but I truly hope you survive with your heart intact...

I guess at the end of the day, it boils down to whether this girl see you as a potential partner than just a good friend. One day, something may twig in her mind as to which one you are. The thing is, if you think you know her that well, and is certain of things between you. Then doesn't that count for something ? i.e. your true gut instincts about each other is pretty accurate. At least u have the mental compatibility thing going on. Which is pretty rare, if u think about it.

It's down to u when u want to let her know... cos once she knows how you feel, then the dynamic may change too. Actions and reactions and all that.

And no-one is worth screwing your head up over

StarSparkle
As im just starting to learn......

What if you are completely and utterly in love with someone, you worship the ground they walk on, get on like a house on fire, make each other laugh, care about one another, spend all your time with each other, and can't imagine them being with anyone else, but, they aren't willing or able to commit themself to you?

I'm talking purely hyperthetically here obviously and it's not like I'm stuck in this dilemma at all myself.........

:huh: :help:

Sounds like you've met someone I used to know!!!

My advice is tell them how you feel, expect the worse and be prepared to move on, or be told to move on.

I had exactly the same situation a couple of years. It hurts like hell, but if you dont nip it in the bud it turns into a complete head f**k and you just end up torturing yourself.

Out of interest, what reasons has this person given for not being able to, or not wanting to commit?

And no-one is worth screwing your head up over


Actually, I wrote this in a very cynical moment, so it comes over as more harsh than I meant it to. Sorry :(

All I was trying to say, Yak, is that your current situation could potentially lead to your head really getting messed up, and obviously that's not a healthy place to be.

StarSparkle

Well my best mate decided he was going to go work on an oil rig in new zealand, turns out that was his way of saying 'tell me not to go and i'll know how you feel about me' i did the opposite told him to go even though i didn't want him to but didn't want to trap him.
He filled in all the forms ready to send off and decided he may as well admit why he was going and it was basically to put distance between us because of his feelings for me, i admitted that night i'd felt the same all along but was just too scared to commit incase it went wrong and i not only lost my best friend but also my boyfriend.
Anyway, end of the story is, we're together and he's staying put!!

Well my best mate decided he was going to go work on an oil rig in new zealand, turns out that was his way of saying 'tell me not to go and i'll know how you feel about me' i did the opposite told him to go even though i didn't want him to but didn't want to trap him.
He filled in all the forms ready to send off and decided he may as well admit why he was going and it was basically to put distance between us because of his feelings for me, i admitted that night i'd felt the same all along but was just too scared to commit incase it went wrong and i not only lost my best friend but also my boyfriend.
Anyway, end of the story is, we're together and he's staying put!!

Awwww what a great story!!

Its a good job he didnt just go!

Awwww what a great story!!

Its a good job he didnt just go!

I kind of knew he wouldn't so called his bluff, i would've gone with him if he had, clinging to his leg like a 3 year old lol!!

I kind of knew he wouldn't so called his bluff, i would've gone with him if he had, clinging to his leg like a 3 year old lol!!

:hihi: I feel a bit like that with my boyfriend moving to Lincoln, but I'm being very silly cos its not exactly New Zealand is it?! (And hope he doesnt read this :hihi:)

Its just he lives just around the corner now and its just gunna be so much effort! But I like him a lot so I'll go and see him a lot.... if he wants me to!

:hihi: I feel a bit like that with my boyfriend moving to Lincoln, but I'm being very silly cos its not exactly New Zealand is it?! (And hope he doesnt read this :hihi:)

Its just he lives just around the corner now and its just gunna be so much effort! But I like him a lot so I'll go and see him a lot.... if he wants me to!

Awww i feel for you hun, long-distance relationships can work (i speak from experience, we went out for nearly 3 years, 1 year of that was long-distance)

What if you are completely and utterly in love with someone, you worship the ground they walk on, get on like a house on fire, make each other laugh, care about one another, spend all your time with each other, and can't imagine them being with anyone else, but, they aren't willing or able to commit themself to you?

I'm talking purely hyperthetically here obviously and it's not like I'm stuck in this dilemma at all myself.........

:huh: :help:
poor yak ! some people just find it really hard to commit ...... if shes worth it just hang in there and hopefully she will come round with time , the wait will either prove worth it or your own feelings may change and it maybe you that decides you deserve a little more than shes willing to give !
good luck sweetie !

clare :wave: x

aww hun yak i know it hard but just enjoy what you got now,because if you try to push her you might finish loosing her.Having this is better than nowt and just give it time good luck hun:)

I'll be honest, (not blowing ones own trumpet) she knows it too. She is a very independant person and finds commitment to anyone difficult. I know I make her happy, hell she practically lives at my house and stays here night after night, she wouldn't do that if I got right on her tits, which is incidently something I want to do.

I'm happy waiting and giving it time, because I do completely love her, however, if it's ultimately to no avail, I need to know now because I seriously don't look at any other women seriously while I still have her on my mind 24/7.

I got to ask this- and please take this the right way as I mean it with great respect.

Why wont she commit to anyone mate?
That would be a big problem for me straight away.

Because that would get me thinking- she likes to play around too much for my liking if she is not prepared to commit to someone.

PS: I'd still be looking at other women if I was you mate- because I dont think you'll get this woman committing to you I really dont.

Again- much respect mate, and I was just saying what came to my mind at the time- hope you dont mind.

I hate this dilemma, it is one I have been going through for nearly 2 years. I am totally in love with a girl who doesn't feel the same about me. As far as I am concerned, there is absolutely nothing I can do except for try and get over my feelings. She knows how crazy I am about her, but she just doesn't feel the same, and won't give me any chance of a relationship.

It's dead annoying. I'm still not fully over it, and I don't really know what the answer is, but I've never felt the same way about any other female, and don't think I'm ever going to feel like this about anyone else.

I hate this dilemma, it is one I have been going through for nearly 2 years. I am totally in love with a girl who doesn't feel the same about me. As far as I am concerned, there is absolutely nothing I can do except for try and get over my feelings. She knows how crazy I am about her, but she just doesn't feel the same, and won't give me any chance of a relationship.

It's dead annoying. I'm still not fully over it, and I don't really know what the answer is, but I've never felt the same way about any other female, and don't think I'm ever going to feel like this about anyone else.
aww it awful when it like that just say to her you will be friends and then see how it goes alot of relationships do come from being friends hun:) :)

Don't let anyone get that close - it usually ends in tears.

Never been a truer word said!

I think that if someone just 'wants to be friends' - sorry - time to move onto the next person.

If they cant be arsed to commit for once, then they arent worth bothering with anyway, because they will just keep you dangling on while they go off with someone else.

Its not fair on the people they keep waiting to be honest I dont think.
So if its the 'just be friends' line- its bye bye from me.

And this is going to sound really egotistical and arrogant- but its the truth.
I dont do 2nd place to anyone :thumbsup:
I'm worth more than that I think :hihi:

What if you are completely and utterly in love with someone, you worship the ground they walk on, get on like a house on fire, make each other laugh, care about one another, spend all your time with each other, and can't imagine them being with anyone else, but, they aren't willing or able to commit themself to you?

I'm talking purely hyperthetically here obviously and it's not like I'm stuck in this dilemma at all myself.........

:huh: :help:
leave,before you get hurt

If only it was that easy to just think "oh well, that's the end of that then"

I know it's the sensible and only option it's just fully accepting it in my own head.

You still havent answered the numerous posts asking why she wont commit!?

And we are a nosy bunch! Is she too young, too bitter, too damaged!?

If only it was that easy to just think "oh well, that's the end of that then"

I know it's the sensible and only option it's just fully accepting it in my own head.

Trust me on this- depoix is right as well.. there is no future for you with this person if she cannot say if she will commit or not.

There is other women out there for you mate, you just need to find the right one is all.

All the best though.

You still havent answered the numerous posts asking why she wont commit!?

And we are a nosy bunch! Is she too young, too bitter, too damaged!?

I think we are nosy arent we :hihi:
But it a wanting to help kind of way :thumbsup:

If she's too young- ditch her for a more mature model
Too bitter- forget it with her, unless she really can change which is a big IF
Damaged- If she wants to help herself, fair enough it might be worthwhile but then again you might be fighting a losing battle right from the off though.

I think we are nosy arent we :hihi:
But it a wanting to help kind of way :thumbsup:

If she's too young- ditch her for a more mature model
Too bitter- forget it with her, unless she really can change which is a big IF
Damaged- If she wants to help herself, fair enough it might be worthwhile but then again you might be fighting a losing battle right from the off though.

Absolutely. But there is also a massive nosey stake on my part as I was in EXACTLY the same situation for a while a few years ago.

But of course, the more known about the situation, the better advice we can give (in theory)

Absolutely. But there is also a massive nosey stake on my part as I was in EXACTLY the same situation for a while a few years ago.

But of course, the more known about the situation, the better advice we can give (in theory)

Same here mate.. I've been in the same position a few years ago as well so we can advise him the best thing to do I reckon :thumbsup:

If it was me- I'd be looking for someone else right now as she sounds like she will rather be playing with someone else but him - no offence Yak mate but if she cant commit to you, you've got to find out why!

If only it was that easy to just think "oh well, that's the end of that then"

I know it's the sensible and only option it's just fully accepting it in my own head.
Yep, you're so right. I don't want to look for anyone else while the girl I'm in love with is on the scene and available, as nobody else compares.

Also, half the trouble for me is that I never really meet anyone new, so it's not likely anyone else is going to come along. Not any time soon at least.

You still havent answered the numerous posts asking why she wont commit!?

And we are a nosy bunch! Is she too young, too bitter, too damaged!?

That's because I'm not really sure. She likes her independence and doesn't like anyone having a sort of claim over her. She's a very firey sort of person, something that I like about her.

Aaaaagh god if I knew all the answers I wouldn't be in this dilemma in the first place!!

That's because I'm not really sure. She likes her independence and doesn't like anyone having a sort of claim over her. She's a very firey sort of person, something that I like about her.

Aaaaagh god if I knew all the answers I wouldn't be in this dilemma in the first place!!

Is she older than you? Has she been married or engaged before?

Is she older than you? Has she been married or engaged before?

No, two years younger and no previous.

m8, as others have indicated, you really need answers here, as it stands at the moment, she is happy to come round to yours and enjoy the company, what if someone else makes a play for her and she is flattered by the attention and starts to see them??, you ARE going to be kicking yourself for a long time.
I know its painfull and you don't want to disrupt the status quo, but you have to also think of yourself here as well.
Think about the lads who will go and ask the girls out when they are out at night, they ALWAYS go home with a girl and the quiet ones go home alone, i would hate that to happen here, tell her what your feelings are, if she is not interested and she is a true friend then it wont matter, however she might just suprise you and say she has the same feelings, whatever happens tho, you will know where you stand, hard i know, but for your own good do it!!.
Good luck m8 and i hope it all works out how you want it to

If only it was that easy to just think "oh well, that's the end of that then"

I know it's the sensible and only option it's just fully accepting it in my own head.
aww yak it aint as easy as that hun:)

I think we are nosy arent we :hihi:
But it a wanting to help kind of way :thumbsup:

If she's too young- ditch her for a more mature model
Too bitter- forget it with her, unless she really can change which is a big IF
Damaged- If she wants to help herself, fair enough it might be worthwhile but then again you might be fighting a losing battle right from the off though.
Wow, so harsh.
You guys make it sound like you have a certain expectation in your mind. :rolleyes:

Women can be happy, women can be sad. At the end of the day, I think most women would want a guy who support her emotionally too, and don't put all blame on the woman when she is unhappy.

[QUOTE=ANGELUS]Trust me on this- depoix is right as well.. there is no future for you with this person if she cannot say if she will commit or not.

Although in some situations this could be true it isn't always the case!! I have been with my boyf for 10 1/2 years, we have two kids and i'm sorry but I ain't getting married to anyone just yet!! Every marriage That I know of has fallen to pieces, to me it's a bit of paper that causes a hell of a lot of heartache should things go wrong. I say enjoy what you have and don't worry about the formal stuff! If you worry about that now it will spoil what you already have. If it is meant to be it will happen but if you keep worrying you aren't going to enjoy a thing and if it does fall apart you don't want to look back and say i wish i'd enjoyed it instead of worrying!! If you want to show her how you feel, take her out, buy her small but meaningful gifts, even buy her a friendship ring, just make sure she knows that's what it is!!!

To sum it up, have fun and make the most of what you have and stop worrying about what you don't!

[QUOTE=ANGELUS]Trust me on this- depoix is right as well.. there is no future for you with this person if she cannot say if she will commit or not.

Although in some situations this could be true it isn't always the case!! I have been with my boyf for 10 1/2 years, we have two kids and i'm sorry but I ain't getting married to anyone just yet!! Every marriage That I know of has fallen to pieces, to me it's a bit of paper that causes a hell of a lot of heartache should things go wrong. I say enjoy what you have and don't worry about the formal stuff! If you worry about that now it will spoil what you already have. If it is meant to be it will happen but if you keep worrying you aren't going to enjoy a thing and if it does fall apart you don't want to look back and say i wish i'd enjoyed it instead of worrying!! If you want to show her how you feel, take her out, buy her small but meaningful gifts, even buy her a friendship ring, just make sure she knows that's what it is!!!

To sum it up, have fun and make the most of what you have and stop worrying about what you don't!

But that argument doesnt really bare up under scrutiny.

I think all Yak wants to know is "are we or are we not boyfriend / girlfriend" which under the circumstances is a pretty straight forward thing to ask.

Its all very well waxing lyrical about "enjoying it while you can" etc but the problem is, not commiting to someone is another way of saying "i am effectively single and free to sleep around" - which can really end up hurting someone.

It sounds she wants to have her cake and eat it, which is totally unfair. Unless of course Yak is happy for this to happy, which I doubt!