1. The victim always turns their back on a 'dead' baddie.

2. Beleaguered 'victims', in a spooky house with something weird creeping around, always split up into small groups to do some inexplicable search.

3. The pursued characters always run from cars- in a straight line - if they don't trip up.

4. A naff, incredible and 'rushed' ending (by over-excited scriptwriters on piece-work?) during the last five minutes will always kill the baddie, via the most stupid and unlikely methods.

5. This is hurting my head...maybe someone else will take over...

please delete

the bird always falls down, the guy goes back to rescue her and ends up getting killed.

please delete

Up yours, click on another thread.

Whenever a lone woman hears a noise in the cellar she imediately slips on a flimsy nighty and goes to investigates with a single lit candle, which will always blow out at some point.

A monster that was fairly easy to kill is bound to not be dead.

If there is a group of people staying in an unfamiliar house and odd things start to happen....

1. They only ever go to investigate one at a time

2. The buffest female will decide to take a shower

3. It's the one time any escape transport will fail to start

Why do they always go down to the cellar? And why oh why do they never switch the lights on??

You never get vegetarian alien monsters

Teenage couple engage in carnal act = Teenage couple stabbed / decapitated / electrocuted / chainsawed / sledgehammered (delete as appropriate)





...And quite right to...silly teenagers, weren't they told not to make out on "Dead Psycho Lane"?

1. Run upstairs - when the door is infront of them....always puzzles me this one!

Fat Bloke or Bloke in Wheelchair or Fat Bloke in Wheelchair = Corpse by 2nd Reel

"You've got nothing to worry about" = "I hope you have your affairs in order because you are going to be butchered in approximately 2 minutes"

And when the phone wires been cut, they keep pressing the cradle like it's going to connect them to someone.

And the dead man on the floor always grabs someones ankle when they step over him.

Bad guy always dangels the car keys in front of the escapee.

People always stay alive just long enough to see their own heart/liver/intestines removed and waved in their face.

There is always a scientist who wants to capture the creature alive to study it, he/she usualy get eaten by said creature.

1. The victim always turns their back on a 'dead' baddie.

2. Beleaguered 'victims', in a spooky house with something weird creeping around, always split up into small groups to do some inexplicable search.

3. The pursued characters always run from cars- in a straight line - if they don't trip up.

4. A naff, incredible and 'rushed' ending (by over-excited scriptwriters on piece-work?) during the last five minutes will always kill the baddie, via the most stupid and unlikely methods.

5. This is hurting my head...maybe someone else will take over...

Yeah, and it's always the caretaker in a ghost costume who would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky kids and that scooby-doo.

Scary.

There is usually a nerdy/indie/emo/goth/loaner character who manages to kill the monster/alien/psycho and gets the gorgeous girl, but at the start of the film the girl didn't like the nerdy guy because she hangs_out with the beautifull people at school and he's "weird".

At some point in the film, one of the characters will find a dusty old book that reveals all about the legend of the monster......

At some point in the film, one of the characters will find a dusty old book that reveals all about the legend of the monster......

or an ancient incantation (written in blood on human skin perhaps) that they :

a) can read
b) can pronounce
c) decide it's a good idea to shout out loud

Cue looks of surprise when incantation open doorway to hell and demons eat their eyes.

you must have misunderstood aelfheah .

i posted in the wrong thread and wanted a mod to delete my post, it wasn't very nice to just jump to the conclusion that i wanted your thread removing. the "up yours" comment was uncalled for

you must have misunderstood aelfheah .

i posted in the wrong thread and wanted a mod to delete my post, it wasn't very nice to just jump to the conclusion that i wanted your thread removing. the "up yours" comment was uncalled for

In which case, I humbly apologise, sir/madam!:blush:

Will £50 be alright?

make it £100 and we have a deal :thumbsup:

Im not one to hold a grudge (usually) :hihi:

make it £100 and we have a deal :thumbsup:

Im not one to hold a grudge (usually) :hihi:

Doh.

Ohhh I'll have to sell the cat!

Take £65, three odd beans and an old gothic book I bought from a 2nd hand backstreet shop...(cue organ muzak)

car refuses to start...

thunderstorm...

very dodgy wooden basement steps...oops..leads to being stranded in the dark.

The main lass hears a noise whilst getting ready for bed, She procedes to go into the attick to check it out.
Music get faster and faster, as che clibs the stairs 1 by 1. She turns the corner and a loud musical shriek is heard that makes everyone cack theirselves, as a cat runs accross the floor meowing.

"phew" she sighs, as she turns she sees the mother of all ghouls, who lashes out at her, she ducks out of the way, as the monster grabs her nightie, it tears as she bolts off.

she runs back downstairs, with rambo music in the background, all of a sudden her boyfriend pops round the corner, and says...... (wait for it)

"whats going on jessica, i heard screams"

"It was awful billy, i saw the monster" she sobs as she falls into his arms.

The screen fades to black with him holding her and stroking her hair, and saying...

"its gonna be ok now.

The next day....

There in the kitchen eating breakfast.
The nasty guy (who secretly fancies the pants off the main chick, but he repulses her) says...

"It was probably just a bad dream" he says


"no it wasn't bobby, i saw it."

"it... it was horrible."

Yeah and then for little or no reason one of the main characters bursts into song and everyone knows the words. Oh, hang on that's musicals isn't it.