Lots of legal/family threads today. Here's mine. I don't know if anyone can advise.

I want to know if and how I can legally block blood relatives having any say over my treatment in a coma or funeral. It seems to be a trace of social faschism that people have rights over my body and final ceremony no matter how bad they have been, and no matter how much it is against my wishes. I would rather the council chucked me in the incinerator than have those people control a funeral that would be 100% not what I wanted, or have the choice of switching my machine off.

I want to know if I can categorically bar all family on my medical records, or do I have to get some sort of legal injunction? How much would that cost? If I was in an accident or abroad, would such safeguards be ignored or overridden in the flurry of an emergency?

I realised how total the law is about next of kin when civil partnerships were discussed then brought in. But there is no likelihood I will ever be married, even in a 'civil' manner. I have a really good friend who knows me very well but I don't want to burden her and legally it doesn't stand for anything. How do I flag her up as my closest non-next of kin person?

I did go to the CAB a few years ago about it but it was mind-numbingly confusing, and like most things relating to my situation, I didn't seem to fully exist in the list of possibilities.

If there was no other option would a marriage of convenience be the only thing left? Or can I make some contract with the council to be buried on the parish, barring all alternatives? (Especially if I offered to contribute costs?)

I'm less scared of dying than waking from a coma to find some hospital admin has handed over all power to people I want rid of for ever. This is doing my head in. Help! :help:

I think you can name a person as your medical "next of kin" and the doctors can only do what they approve, not what anyone else says.

in america you would assign 'rights of attorney' to someone with the conditions specified as to when it would apply. In the uk, i'd go to the free surgeries that solicitors run and get some advice.

Look at Living Wills (http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/coping_with_grief/terminalillness_livingwills.shtml) and "Advance Directives.

Providing you make all provisons and payments beofre you die, you can organise your own funeral however I doubt the council would allow you to be 'chucked' into the local incinerator. As far as medical treatment in the evntuallity of you being incapacitated, you need to assign a power of attorney so that you can trust someone to deal with your estate in your abscence and also you can sign documents that express your wishes if you are seriously ill (in a come etc), however they can still be contested and in some cases ignored if no-one knows they exist..

Bit of a minefield really

Is there the equivalent of a financial 'Notice of Dissociation'?

Financially, you can sign an affidavit that basically dissociates you from other people financially where there is no longer a relationship in place.

I think you should be able to specify in your will how you wish to be treated after death, and then the Executor of your will just follows your instructions. I would be VERY surprised if family could overturn the will in those circumstances, unless it could be shown you were not of sound mind at teh time the will was made, or if the terms were viewed to be totally unreasonable / illegal whatever.

However, I'm not a lawyer. :(

Your friend could act as Executor, and if there were 'issues' around your blood kin then making out some sort of signed and witnessed statement detailing why you don't want them involved, which is kept with teh will, might help.

And not letting the buggers know where you are would be of great help. :)

I'm sure it's possible - but it does sound like a job for a lawyer.

I sort of know I'll have to end up traipsing to a solicitor's eventually. I'll go to the library and look up which ones specialise in what. Nick's answer appears a bright prospect, though I was under the impression that civil partnerships had to be brought it specifically because a person's closest friend, even if they'd been together for forty years, had no way of overriding the automatic blood relative thing.

I just wondered if there was anyone who had been in a similar position? I know people who don't get on with some family, but have one or two members they do get on with. Or they're married.

Lots to chew on and I only posted a few minutes ago! Thank you very much, all. It looks like there is a way. I was under the impression I had nothing except stating a preference that wouldn't necessarily stand up.

have you got household insurance?

Check through your policy, and you'll probably find you have access to a free legal helpline :thumbsup:

You may well find that the bits of paper you're looking for are related to 'Enduring Power of Attorney' paperwork purdyamos (although I agree that you're probably going to end up seeing a specialist solicitor about it in the end).

With a power of attorney you can choose someone who you can trust to speak for you in the event that you can't speak for yourself, for whatever reason. If you were to fall ill the doctors would speak to your relatives until the power of attorney becomes enacted (by a court order when it is decided that you are unable to state your own wishes, and the person who you have previously appointed as your attorney then legally becomes the person who has control of all of your affairs, including the sort of decisions of which you are speaking).

My mother has been appointed as her mother's attorney, due to my nan's dementia, meaning that my mum has control over everything from the finances to decisions over nan's healthcare, and I have been appointed presumptive attorney for some relatives, although hopefully it will never be needed.

The good thing is that setting up this sort of paperwork is not really that expensive, compared to many things that involve solicitors, and besides understanding what you would wish in such circumstances, your friend need only know where the originals of the paperwork appointing her as attorney are kept, so that they can be enabled should they be needed.

You can also have powers of attorney linked in to wills, such as making an executor also your attorney.

As is the case with JoeP, I'm not a lawyer of any kind- I know of these things only in layman terms. I simply wanted to let you know of a solution that has been used in our family to ensure that the 'right' thing happens in the event that my family members can't answer for themselves.

I hope you find a solution to this.

Have you read the link in my post above?

Yes, cgk. Thanks for that. Good old BBC! I had tried the google approach but drowned in marriage and gay-related sites. I couldn't quite find the right key words to find my own story, as it were. And thanks, Medusa, for your example. It's so much easier to take in if it's someone's own story rather than dry legalese full of sub-clauses.

I went to my GP today and he told me to write him a letter which will be scanned into my medical notes and flagged up if referred to in a crisis. He said my making a statement like that should be enough. I'll also have little cards with contact details and a signed statement in my purses and bags. I'll look into the advance directive / attorney options later. I've got to wine and dine my surrogate next of kin first!

I'm still rather puzzled about the problems gay partners faced - if I can make a statement about my preferred 'close person' why couldn't they - why could family still override the person's wishes?

Thanks to all for your thoughts, anyway. Hopefully it will all be irrelevant for a few decades yet! :)