Has anyone had a life changing experience, for example a health problem which has made you totally re-evaluate your life, who you are, how you go about your life and what is important to you in life?

Any proper! stories would be good to read.

I have recently slowed my life style down a great deal and spend more time at home with my family now.
I work full time but have knocked off any overtime and never work weekends something i have always done in the past.

Cycling took all of my spare time and now i have taken up alternative pass times which don't require doing it all the time just to keep on top, such as cycling did.
For example if i raced on Sunday i would train all week come rain or come shine, if i fished on Sunday i don't need to fish in the week, I just go and fish.
My young boys are my second family as my others are all grown up and as an older dad i want to be with them more and my priorities have changed.
Who gives a toss about working 12 hour days and weekends when theres a life out there, i chose the life and i'm sticking to it.

Some years ago I was in the Yukon Territory in Canada and found myself between mummy bear and baby bears.

Fortunately I was able to get the hell out of the way with no ill effects except for skid marks on my pants...:-)

On the same trip I almost lost my car (with me in it) over the edge of a cliff in Alaska when the road surface came away, and spent two days lost in the forests of British Columbia.

It taught me a lot about myself.....

However.....

My mum fell ill with heart problems and I spent about 6 weeks visiting her most days in hospital - she was in Nottingham and we were here in Sheffield. The chats my mum and I had were marvellous.

And finally...

The night my mum died in hospital was quite an experience. By an amazing coincidence the ward nurse that night was soemone who'd lived next door to me when I was a teenager, and she was there for a one off visit. There was an eclipse of the moon that night, and I felt that y mum would pass over soemtime during the night. She went very quietly, and it felt, somehow, 'right' that she'd brought me in to the world and I'd been there with her when she left it.

Joe

this will sound really mundane compared to Joe.

We had good well paid jobs in Notts.
We decided to sell our big detatched house and by a newspaper shop in Grimsby.
we were ther for 2 years. We worked 14hr days, 7 days a week.

In that 2 years we had more personal violence and violence to our shop than we could ever imagine, arson, break ins. staff theft, we nearly ended up bankrupt as a result of market forces as well as theft.
I got run of the road by some drugged up joy riders.

We were fortunate enough to sell our shop and moved back to this part of the country. We now pay over the odds for a private rented house, because we can't afford to buy our own now. I work part time in the local village shop and we bought the village post office with what was left from the proceeds of the sale of the shop after we had cleared most of our debts, and my hubby is now the village subpostmaster. We have a much better quality of life now than we ever did.
We don't own our own house anymore, and we are completely skint. I think we used to be materialistic before, but now our priorities have changed.
We were quite well off financially (on paper), but there is more to life than material things and money.

Sorry if that makes me sound conceited. I know what I am trying to say.
:(

Hi kookie,

The thing with bears and cliffs and stuff was that it was sort of 'natural'.....I couldn't deal with the violence inflicted by other people.

Same with my mum passing on - that was sort of like a normal part of life's process.

But when there's violence or death of a young person - that's much harder to deal with.

Respect to you!

One of the things about most people I've come across who have life changing experiences is that the result is people do become less materialistic, more 'spiritual' with a small 's', more respecting of other people and the world around them. Less selfish.

Joe

Joe, thanks for that.
It was a really difficult time for us, but I used to feel guilty, a bit of a fraud for feeling so bad, when there are so many people in similar or worse situations than us.

It was' life altering' and I think, or hope we have come out of it different people.

You're welcome, kookie.

Another thing I've found is that sometimes the amount of resistance we meet for a particular life path might indicate that that path isn't for us.

After my Canada trip in '93, I planned to go back and 'finish the job'. I felt I had more personal development to finish and that another trip away form the day to day world would do the trick.

Well, for numerous reasons - none terribly good, in hindsight - I didn't go and it was from that point on that I got a thorough kicking from life that continued until about 1999.

Since then I've listened to life experiences more.

I kow it sounds a bit hairy fairy and new-agey, but sometiems I do believe that life lends a hand to you when you're on teh right path, and will often put barriers up if the path is not appropriate. I think it was Goethe who said that :

"Wherever a man may happen to turn, whatever a man may undertake, he will always end up by returning to the path which nature has marked out for him.... "

I'm not really a fatalist, but I do believe that somethings are easier for us, and that when we get a kicking in the game of life it's a wake up call.

Joe

Joe

you have a very eloquent term of phrase. :)
Some people know what they want to say, but few people can actually put it across the way they mean it.

Thank you!

Some folks just say I like the sound of my own voice...;-)

Or the sight of my own words!

The death of my nanna back in 1993 completely changed my life. I was 9 at the time and she had been in my life more than my mother until that time. She used to look after me whilst my mum was working every hour god sent to keep a roof over our heads (she'd divorced my dad, although it was her mother-in-law and they still got on).

She contracted cancer and as soon as it was clear to my mum what was happening, she effectively started 'weaning' me off her. Without being self conceited here, I was as attached to my nanna as she was with me; she effectively wrapped me in cotton wool and we meant the world to each other.

So when she died (I knew what was happening by this point) my life was changed forever. She was the one person who'd kept two sides of a feuding family together and she was my rock. I was lost, TOTALLY lost. With her gone, so was one half of my family as well, so it was like a double blow.

That was my darkest period in life, but things did pick up - my mum met someone else, so didnt have to work as many hours, so could spend time with me and my sister more, she eventually remarried, we moved home, mainly to escape the bad memories from that home and life since has been stable.

Had my nanna been here today, I would be a quarter of the person I am now. Her wrapping me up in cotton wool was fine as a child, but would have shielded me from reality, which I have stared in the face now many times, so i'm a stronger person as a result. I think she'd be proud of me though.

During my time working in respite care, I was assigned to a 36 year old man who was dying of cancer. Throughout the six months that I cared for him we became quite good friends.
On the night he died in a palliative care unit he was on large doses of morphine for the pain, so he was all but unconscious.
Another carer and I set up a cassette tape of lovely relaxation music and sat each side of his bed. For about 30 minutes we talked to him softly about how privelidged we felt to be there with him at this time etc
All of a sudden there came into the room a feeling of connection, love and warmth. As though the three of us were connected by some invisible force. I looked over to the other carer and asked if she could also feel it, she nodded her head and smiled. This feeling of utter and complete love lasted only a couple of minutes but it was enough to prove to me that there is some spiritual force out there. That experience completely changed my spiritual beliefs and has brought a richness and comfort that I never had before. On the day we buried "my friend" I didn't feel sad. I knew that we are spiritual beings having a human journey rather than the other way around. Quite a turn around for me !

Originally posted by Banksia
During my time working in respite care, I was assigned to a 36 year old man who was dying of cancer. Throughout the six months that I cared for him we became quite good friends.
On the night he died in a palliative care unit he was on large doses of morphine for the pain, so he was all but unconscious.
Another carer and I set up a cassette tape of lovely relaxation music and sat each side of his bed. For about 30 minutes we talked to him softly about how privelidged we felt to be there with him at this time etc
All of a sudden there came into the room a feeling of connection, love and warmth. As though the three of us were connected by some invisible force. I looked over to the other carer and asked if she could also feel it, she nodded her head and smiled. This feeling of utter and complete love lasted only a couple of minutes but it was enough to prove to me that there is some spiritual force out there. That experience completely changed my spiritual beliefs and has brought a richness and comfort that I never had before. On the day we buried "my friend" I didn't feel sad. I knew that we are spiritual beings having a human journey rather than the other way around. Quite a turn around for me !

WOW! - That's the only word I can think of.

Strangely enough it seems that death can sometimes bring about the best changes in us.

Losing my closest friend of 20 years to a brain tumour was the hardest thing i've been through, yet has changed me in a positive way. When something like this happens, life is put firmly into perspective, and we realise what really is important to us. I have found myself to be so much stronger than i used to be, and really enjoy my life and the friends that i have around me. I no longer get upset by the things that i used to, in fact I rarely get upset at all. In reflection it's quite ironic that before my friends death, i was at my lowest without any valid reason. Since then I have been at my highest emotionally. sometimes it just takes a really big kick to change your viewpoint on the life around you. My life has not really changed too much, but the way i see things has. I'm truly happier than i've ever been, just by appreciating the things that i always had, but could never see.

I think that's pretty true and doesn't necessarily stop with death. Other nasty or unpleasant experiences, such as, in my case, parents divorcing and court cases can bring out the best in people. Unfortunately, nasty experiences can make the affected go the other way as well though; it depends on the person in question I suppose.

The most emotional funeral i've ever been to is that of a guy in my class at school, who was stabbed to death aged 18. The shock of actually having to be there in the first place was numbing to say the least.

Since that particular funeral, I feel more resiliant to emotional pain and it'll take a much bigger shock next time round to break that resiliance.

For better or worse, life is a learning curve I think.

Originally posted by dinp
WOW! - That's the only word I can think of.

Yes ! thats what I thought too.

Originally posted by Andy78
Strangely enough it seems that death can sometimes bring about the best changes in us.

Losing my closest friend of 20 years to a brain tumour was the hardest thing i've been through, yet has changed me in a positive way. When something like this happens, life is put firmly into perspective, and we realise what really is important to us. I have found myself to be so much stronger than i used to be, and really enjoy my life and the friends that i have around me. I no longer get upset by the things that i used to, in fact I rarely get upset at all. In reflection it's quite ironic that before my friends death, i was at my lowest without any valid reason. Since then I have been at my highest emotionally. sometimes it just takes a really big kick to change your viewpoint on the life around you. My life has not really changed too much, but the way i see things has. I'm truly happier than i've ever been, just by appreciating the things that i always had, but could never see.

And.. changing your perspective is changing your life don't you think ? Generally, a lot of time and effort is spent bemoaning the things we don't have and all the while we miss the things that we do have.

couldn't agree more. it's almost as though we find it harder to see the things that make us happy. When they are quite often the things that are most apparent. It's so easy to be self destructive.

I think society brings a lot of conditioning to bear on our attitudes towards happiness.

There seems to be a lot of messages that come from the media and society in general that :

You must consume and acquire to be happy.
You can only be really happy if you have more toys than the next person.
Don't delay - don't defer any whim.
Be too different from the norm and we'll cut you down to size.

If you just disconnect from the pressures of society for a while, it give you time to see. Things like illness, death and other 'life changing' events force you to take a time out in which you get the chance to think without being hassled and bombarded by conditioning.

IMHO!

Joe

Originally posted by JoePritchard
I think society brings a lot of conditioning to bear on our attitudes towards happiness.

There seems to be a lot of messages that come from the media and society in general that :

You must consume and acquire to be happy.
You can only be really happy if you have more toys than the next person.
Don't delay - don't defer any whim.
Be too different from the norm and we'll cut you down to size.

If you just disconnect from the pressures of society for a while, it give you time to see. Things like illness, death and other 'life changing' events force you to take a time out in which you get the chance to think without being hassled and bombarded by conditioning.

IMHO!

Joe

Spot On- cause if you drive past these high powered execs in their brand new big BMW's Mercs the majority look as miserable as sin. I am not advocating that all look/feel like this but I think alot do. Its the same if you walk into Champs bar on Ecc Road for instance and it is just tossers (sorry posers) paradise!. Again not everyone in their but most I see. The new theme in the media is downsizing! but then they have to spend shed loads on doing it LOL and getting someone to plan it for them!

Banksia has shared her memories and experiences with us, and as she explained the situation, we felt that we were with her, and how privliged she, and in turn us, have been.I might also add that Banksia herself has given life saving experiences, to those that need it, she came back into my life after fifty years, and though there are thousands of miles between us, there's never a day goes by she doesn't send some kind thought or poem to make me happy, and for that I am blessed with a true and cherished friend.Thanks T.

What a nice thread ... and well said Joe ... and I totally agree with you.

Companies want to sell us stuff ... they want to convince us that we're lacking in some way ... and that their product or service will give us that deep sense of fullfillment and happiness that we crave.

Most companies value profit over human well being.

They actively set out to cultivate feelings of lack in the populus ... "stimulating the market place" (that's you).

The more you buy into their crap and look 'outside' of yourself for happiness ... the more it will elude you.

Happiness is inside of you ...

Happiness *is* who you are ...

Meeting my wife to be (after years in the wilderness of crap life)
A fortunate man I am.
:love: :love: :love:

Originally posted by marycrookes
Banksia has shared her memories and experiences with us, and as she explained the situation, we felt that we were with her, and how privliged she, and in turn us, have been.I might also add that Banksia herself has given life saving experiences, to those that need it, she came back into my life after fifty years, and though there are thousands of miles between us, there's never a day goes by she doesn't send some kind thought or poem to make me happy, and for that I am blessed with a true and cherished friend.Thanks T.

What can I say my dear friend ? Thank you

Originally posted by Jamie
What a nice thread ... and well said Joe ... and I totally agree with you.

Companies want to sell us stuff ... they want to convince us that we're lacking in some way ... and that their product or service will give us that deep sense of fullfillment and happiness that we crave.

Most companies value profit over human well being.

They actively set out to cultivate feelings of lack in the populus ... "stimulating the market place" (that's you).

The more you buy into their crap and look 'outside' of yourself for happiness ... the more it will elude you.

Happiness is inside of you ...

Happiness *is* who you are ...

Here, Here !!!!!!

My life changing experience was nearly 3 years ago... a million in one freak accident and I was left with 3rd degree burns to my right arm and side.

Funnily enough before then Id always been a lot of a wallflower, never said boo to a ghost that sort of thing and when I was discharged from hospital I really came out of myself, wasnt nearly afraid of things as I used to be. You go through life fearing the worst and then it happens and you change.

I had to wear a pressure garment for around 18months (a really horrible tight lycra garment to stop my scars from goin crazy) and I was really anxious about having it removed because I was nervous about people's reactions, but luckily I have really good friends, those who have known me before the accident and those who knew me after and it doesnt bother them, the scars are now part of who I am and I am proud of them.

There was a time when I was nervous about having my scars on display but as soon as the pressure garment came off I celebrated by having a tattoo of a phoenix on my back, nicley symbolic I figured :) I went from being shy and painfully introverted to being, as my mum put it "gung ho!"

If the accident hadnt happened I wouldnt be in the job I am now because my original employers wouldnt take me back on for insurance reasons and I wouldnt have met the people I met at uni because I had to take a year out.

Every now and then there are some idiots who stare at my scars and end up slamming into lamp posts or refuse to sit next to me because they think I must be contagious, but I take it all with a pinch of salt. Im proud of who I am now, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and thats certainly true in my case :)

Moshie -

:clap: :clap: :clap:

:)

The moment my life changed for the better was when I was driving on the M5 motorway and collided with a beemer at somewhere just over the speed limit and managed to walk away shaken but unhurt. Until that point I was just mulling through life without any direction and was just taking everything for granted.

I now try and live life to the full and almost never take anything for granted whether it be my family, friends or health. Funny how it can take something as extreme as a near death experience to make you re-evaluate things.

Originally posted by Mosherchik

Every now and then there are some idiots who stare at my scars and end up slamming into lamp posts or refuse to sit next to me because they think I must be contagious, but I take it all with a pinch of salt. Im proud of who I am now, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and thats certainly true in my case :)[/COLOR] [/B]

SOme years ago I had a flare up of something that was a cross between eczema and psoriasis that made my skin all flakey and detachable....

The thing that ****** me off the most was when people that I'd considered as friends actually shied away from me. Not at all nice. The attitude of people who didn't know me I could understand, but the attitude of those who did know me did affect me greatly.

It reminded me that many people go by the surface - what they see. I was very lucky in that I got the condition under control by a lot of vitamins and fish oils, relaxation and just trying to de-stress. By the time I got to see a dermatlogist it had gone away, but it did leave me with a feeling for who my better friends were and also a great and abiding respect for those who live with such issues day in day out - good on you!

Joe

Mosherchick -

That was an EXCELLENT comment you made about fearing the worst and then it happens, and then you have to adapt.

The thing that worried me the most for years was the prospect of my mother dying. When it happened, I had to accept it and get on with my life.

J.

Originally posted by JoePritchard
The thing that ****** me off the most was when people that I'd considered as friends actually shied away from me. Not at all nice. The attitude of people who didn't know me I could understand, but the attitude of those who did know me did affect me greatly.

Joe
I certainly learnt who my friends were during my time in hospital, there were people Id only been friends with for 2 years who came to visit me every day and I was really touched, and then there were some friends who'd known me since I was 6 and they never visited me or even attempted to contact me... It sounds harsh I know but that particular friend who never came to visit we have since lost touch and I feel no particular sadness in that.

I think Ive been fortunate in that my friends accept the scars and in fact dont even register them... there have been occasions at work, but OAPs love people just as badly as them :wink: who have to discuss it at length with me because "our Denise's Toby had a similar accident..." and naturally when I meet some people for the first time I expect some sort of reaction and would rather people just ask about it as opposed to whispering away and drawing their own conclusions.

Awareness of "disfigurement" has grown thanks to certain documentaries on TV and it is now only the minority (mainly chavesque yoofs) who still think its funny to have a go. I dont ask for pity or special treatment because I certainly dont want it. Achieving closure for me was getting the tattoo done and the sense of liberation at being able to wear a sleeveless top and not get gawped at :thumbsup:

I guess friends can either like you on a superficial level ... or have a much deeper connection with you.

A real friend would not judge you on any superficial level ... but would love and accept you just as you are ... for who you are inside and underneath all the superficial stuff of what you look like etc ...

I know I place too much importance on superficial stuff (especially when if comes to pretty girls ... hehe) ... and that is really my loss.

I think the truth of the matter is that people will not love and accept you just as you are ... unless you first love and accept them for who they are.

But in this mad topsey turvey world that we live in ... we're just not taught or encouraged to accept and love ... instead they teach us to compete and fight and it's good if you win and the other guy loses.

Sorry ... rant over ... better go re-attach my nose to the grindstone .... (back to work).

Some years ago on a wet & windy October morning at approx 8am my company car went out of control during a standard overtaking manouvre on the M6.
I went nose first into the armco barrier, ran down the side of it, span into the back of it and then did 360's across the three lanes of a packed motorway coming to rest with my broadside on the inside lane facing oncoming traffic without touching another vehicle . I gunned the car and immediately drove into the hard shoulder with no injury, despite the car being a wreck after all this. The amazing thing about this was that during it I had no panic, I felt I wasn't alone and all I could see was my wifes face smiling at me and radiating love and confidence during the moments where all possible opportunity for control had been extinguished.
In all fairness this is one of the minor life changing moments I've had during my time but then again perhaps it was a life reminder!
I hadn't told her about the accident as I had set off to work away from home when it happened and I didn't want her worrying about me unduly. When I returned she knew I'd had a prang!
due to the firm asking if I'd filled in the accident report yet!
On my return I cracked open a bottle of Moet to celebrate just being with my family again and I knew from that moment on that come hell or high water we would always be together as husband ,Wife and Kids.

http://www.lifeswitch.org

I ended up in Guatemala