I love my fella but kissed another guy when drunk and out clubbing with the girls. This guy knew I was with someone as we had been talking for some of the night but he must of felt the sexual chemistry as much as I did. I feel really bad and dont know what to do? To make things it worse the guy I kissed has just started work in our local pub!
So what do I do?

Ermmmm - accept your human and sometimes do things while drunk you wouldn't do sober?

If you love someone, why would you want to kiss anybody else?

I know I'm only human but it's confused me so much!
I'd be gutted he if he it to me! But yet I know know why I did it as I love my fella with all my heart and we get on great, plus I fancy him like mad. But this other guy just did something for me - I've played it over my mind since that night and don't know if I should confess?

I know what you are saying jack but i think you have a very naive view of humans and relationships.

I have been on the receiving end of a partners "drunken stupidity" and It hurts like hell. However I do believe my partner loves me. Humans are just very very silly sometimes and they just get caught up in the moment without giving any thought to the after effects.

hotbombshell try not to beat yourself up about it, you aren't the first and you wont be the last. However if you believe the drink contributed to your stupidness I would advise you either stop drinking or don't drink so much that your thought process goes out of the window.

)edited to add) If you decide to confess then be prepared for the fact that your boyfriend may want to end things. Some people find it impossible to move on from infidelity because of the huge amount of work involved, the pain, tears, and frank discussions etc...If he loves you enough then he may be prepared to work at it if not well you will find out for yourself. Good luck.

The fact that this is torturing you so much shows how much your guy means to you and you realise that you've been a bad bunny and have punished yourself enough!

Put it behind you and go give your man a snog!

Originally posted by steelblade
I know what you are saying jack but i think you have a very naive view of humans and relationships.

Thanks for that.

If a bloke came on here saying he'd kissed another bird behind his girlfriends back I would love to see if the women posting in this thread would be so forgiving. If you love someone enough then you don't cheat...no excuses. I know I never do or ever have or would even consider it. Sort your head out and who you want to be with because you can't have both and at the moment you are becoming very untrustworthy

I've been cheated on, so I know how it feels! I was with someone 4 years and found out. It broke my heart but I tried to forgive him and couldnt. Thats why I know if I tell my fella I could lose everything!
It sounds sad but I only just remember the kiss (lasted 3 seconds if that ) the bit I remember was me pulling away panicking and thinking - what on earth have I just done and why?

Jack my post wasn't a dig at you, please don't take it that way.

All I am trying to get across is that people do make mistakes, humans are silly, they don't always resist temptation.

I know exactly what you mean about if you love someone then you wouldn't even contemplate kissing someone else but people do.

As I said I have been on the receiving end of a partners "stupidity". I wont drag it all up again but lets just say it was an awful experience, something I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even the so called "friend" who he went with.

However If I didn't believe he loved me and had made a silly mistake then I wouldn't have given the relationship another go.

Originally posted by steelblade
Jack my post wasn't a dig at you, please don't take it that way.

All I am trying to get across is that people do make mistakes, humans are silly, they don't always resist temptation.

I know exactly what you mean about if you love someone then you wouldn't even contemplate kissing someone else but people do.

As I said I have been on the receiving end of a partners "stupidity". I wont drag it all up again but lets just say it was an awful experience, something I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even the so called "friend" who he went with.

However If I didn't believe he loved me and had made a silly mistake then I wouldn't have given the relationship another go.

Hope you dont mind me asking but how old are you? Like I said I've been cheated on and he did it with a best friend of mine - but because we all tried staying mates I found it so hard

I never really get the urge to kiss anyone even though I'm single, so I very much doubt I'd ever cheat. I don't really think there's any excuse, but then people think and behave in different ways, so who am I to judge?

Originally posted by Sidla
I never really get the urge to kiss anyone even though I'm single, so I very much doubt I'd ever cheat. I don't really think there's any excuse, but then people think and behave in different ways, so who am I to judge?

Thats why I dont understand why I did it! I didnt think I was like that! One minute we were talking the next I felt he's lips on mine and I pulled away. Yes I fancied him but I would of never set out to kiss him!

Surely he was the one who made it happen? If so, then I don't see why you're feeling so guilty.

Much as I HATE to say this...

Sometimes too much honesty is an unconstructive thing... If it's behind you, then it's behind you and quite probably learned a lesson. If that's the case then I wouldn't say a damned thing. Sorry but there it is...

But.. if you're sitting there going all dreamy about how great that kiss was and how it was soooo baaaaad! then you've got a problem on your hands. It's not called a slippery slope for nothing.


Oh and as for opinions.. that's all they are.. you're the one who has to live with the consequences, not one of us armchair quarterbacks. Good luck :)

Ha! It takes two people to do it not just one.

You need to sort out your true feelings but confessing to make yourself feel better is no good reason at all.

I admit I'd only be confessing to make myself feel better as I feel out of order and if it was the other way round I'd be really mad and hurt!
I'm just hoping that the guy who works there wont say anything? But he did tell me how much he liked me and what if he told my fella?

hotbombshell I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 years.

I didn't want to throw everything away for his "mistake" however I think if we had only been together a short time then I probably wouldn't have tried again because the pain of trying to salvage the relationship is immense and unless you really really love someone I don't think it's worth the hassle.

As for staying friends with the girl involved that just isn't possible. I believe I have shown great restrain and forgivness as it is. There is no way on this earth that I could ever be friends with her again. I have even stopped seeing other mutual friends and the places I go to so I don't have to see her. If I see her I feel sick and so angry that I could run over and hit her which just isn't me.

OK - Please understand this!

This guy works in our local! I have to go in there as some of our mates work there! And my fella will think I'm acting odd if I say I dont want to go there! I'm in there at least once a week! This is why I need the advice so much

Ok here are your choices

1. Don't go in the pub and have your boyfriend think something's a bit suss.

2. Confess all and risk your relationship.

3. Brazen it out and go in the pub as though nothing is wrong and just hope this guy doesn't say anything.

I do feel for you as I'm sure you do regret what you've done and you must be in turmoil.

Originally posted by steelblade
Ok here are your choices

1. Don't go in the pub and have your boyfriend think something's a bit suss.

2. Confess all and risk your relationship.

3. Brazen it out and go in the pub as though nothing is wrong and just hope this guy doesn't say anything.

I do feel for you as I'm sure you do regret what you've done and you must be in turmoil.

I am I'm going mad with worry, I dont want to lose him and yet I know I deserve too!

I'm laying off the drink as it makes things worse! I just hope the guy doesnt say anything - but if he does then what? I have told anyone apart from on here, not even my close mates

But you said in a previous posting that you both felt a sexual chemistry. So its not as simple as him kissing you and pulling away. I don't think you're admitting to yourself what happened let alone us on here

I think its all a very big melodrama, but it passes the time reading about it. :)

Chris.

Originally posted by wibbles
But you said in a previous posting that you both felt a sexual chemistry. So its not as simple as him kissing you and pulling away. I don't think you're admitting to yourself what happened let alone us on here

To be honest I dont remember that much of the night, I had way to much booze! I'm the mother hen of the group and look after everyone but yet I cant look after myself!

If this guy does say something then you have two choices

1. Deny it.

2. Admit the truth and tak it from there.

There really isn't anything else you can do. You can't erase what has happened and you can't control what will happen.

BTW how old are you and your boyfriend?

I'm 23 and fella is 20.

You would think I'd know better that to go out on a girls night and get hammered - I've shocked myself

I don't think you should say anything if you don't intend for it to happen again,it will only give your man pain just for you to alleviate your grief.However if you think you might get it on with this bloke again then you should end the relationship now as it clearly isn't meant to be.If it was just a drunken bumping of lips and someone mentions this to your beloved then laugh it off as nothing serious,if it was full on snogging you may have a problem!This is all just my personal opinion,what you do is up to you.

You always have the excuse of alcohol - you were just too drunk to remember the night or any kiss so it can't have been important - or even any good!

BTW at 23 I'd be more shocked if you DIDN'T go out on a the odd girls night out, get hammered and even end up kissing someone than if you did - but perhaps thats just me being old and jaded!

Originally posted by Chris_Sleeps
I think its all a very big melodrama, but it passes the time reading about it. :)

Chris.

:D

At best.

Would you like to kiss the barman again? I know he wasn't the barman at the time, but for the sake of this post, he's the barman now.

You had the chemistry at the time, has it gone away? I think not. The fact you'd consider kissing someone else suggests that you're not 100% committed - whether you'd had a row with your boyfriend or are irritated by something along the line somewhere. The fact that you feel giddy at the thought of the barman being in your local and at close quarters suggests that you may still feel something there. Trouble is, it depends on whether anything will happen after that. It could do if you wanted to, or he may just be feeling as bad and may not want anything more than a drunken kiss.

If it was me, I'd just be friendly and smile when at the bar. Exude confidence. Don't look ashamed or embarrassed. Nobody will guess unless you give the game away. See what the barman's reaction is. Enjoy the moment.

Lets face it, if he works in your pub you're going to have to see him sometime. If he sees you with your current bloke then it's unlikely that he'll push the matter with him there, nor will you of course. Check out body language, be aware of your own.

Go in the pub on aquiet night and accuse the barman of spiking your drink. :o He might keep his distance after that!

hello hello hello hello hello

I think Honesty is the best policy. At least give your man the right to decide what he wants to do.
If he is a sensible enough guy he will realise that it was what it was, a mistake when drunk.

But one concern is that is he going to confront this guy and will the other guy persue you after the events of that night.

If you do plan on telling him, don't leave it too long as it will make matters worse. He may want to confront the guy in front of you which I feel is fair enough, then you can mediate to some degree.

If you can't face doing it. Just remember how it made you realise what you have.

Hello hello hello hello hello

hello hello hello hello hello

for goodness sake, we all do stupid things sometimes, stop thnking about it as a bad thing, you really will look back on this and wounder why you were so upset, you are so young, life is short and should be filled with adventures, so if you regret it, put it behind you and move on, like someone said, you can say you were drunk and cant remember anything about it.
i wounder if you actually have the hots for this guy (the kisser)?
if you do leave alone for a few weeks and you will know, you will meet many more men that you will feel a sexual chemistry with , it is only human, the art is to keep it at that, fantasy is usually much better kept as that (a fantasy) its great fun and you wont get hurt.

give yourself a break-you are in control of your own life:)

xx Caron

Originally posted by Ned Ludd
Go in the pub on aquiet night and accuse the barman of spiking your drink.
That'll ruin the mans reputation because of her wish to hide the truth. I couldn't think of a worst thing to do.

Chris.

Originally posted by Ned Ludd
Go in the pub on aquiet night and accuse the barman of spiking your drink. :o He might keep his distance after that!

Lol, thats brillant - I wouldnt really do it but you have made me feel better - Thanx

I really don't think that you should think of this as a massive infidelity. You kissed someone for 3 seconds. I've done more than that with some of my girlfriends and that was totally platonic!! try looking at it in the same way you do falling over in the street when drunk, or throwing up over someone. Its an unfortunate happening that you'd rather forget cos its embarassing NOT a major batrayal of trust. You did not cheat in any emotional sense. If you can put it into perspective then things will be a lot easier. At the end of the day if you really can't live with the secret tell him but PLAY IT DOWN! If you tell him in an emotional 'i'm sooooo sorry way' he will see it as being worse than it was. Maybe if you approach it from a wasn't i silly angle it will ease the blow?

Originally posted by caz2
I really don't think that you should think of this as a massive infidelity. You kissed someone for 3 seconds. I've done more than that with some of my girlfriends and that was totally platonic!! try looking at it in the same way you do falling over in the street when drunk, or throwing up over someone. Its an unfortunate happening that you'd rather forget cos its embarassing NOT a major batrayal of trust. You did not cheat in any emotional sense. If you can put it into perspective then things will be a lot easier. At the end of the day if you really can't live with the secret tell him but PLAY IT DOWN! If you tell him in an emotional 'i'm sooooo sorry way' he will see it as being worse than it was. Maybe if you approach it from a wasn't i silly angle it will ease the blow?

mmm..I'd like to see your reaction if your fella gave you that excuse..would you be so forgiving???
"I'm so sorry love but I slipped and fell on a womens lips with mine...it was purely accidental...honest :) "

IMHO you really should tell him, ive been in exactly the same situation and told him and so glad as all the time ive been with him ive been 100% honest and thats one strong relationship, i believe that honesty is the most important thing, if theres no honesty what is there? (remember this is all in my opinion), so tell him, both cry about it, have a big hug and put it behind you.
if you need to talk about it then pm me :)
mimi
xx

Is there a pattern developing here?
Are women more likely to have affairs than men?

Is this thread showing that maybe women are a bit more likely to play away from home, as they dont think it's such a bad thing?

Is this worthy of another thread?

oh yeh , women defo have more affairs, bit of a bloody sweeping statement dont you think. not a very nice thing to say either, the forums not really anything to go byy now is it?!?! and the result would be for sheffield only anyway!

So what do people think?

Originally posted by jackthedog
Is there a pattern developing here?
Are women more likely to have affairs than men?

Is this thread showing that maybe women are a bit more likely to play away from home, as they dont think it's such a bad thing?

Is this worthy of another thread?

i'm really loyal in a relationship - haven't always been given as much loyalty back though

i always give women lots of trust - they can do what they want (apart from cheat of course!) but;

she cheats she's out the door. end of.

It seems like a case of double standards. All sisters stick together if they do something wrong but if a bloke makes a 'mistake' then women are all too quick to pounce on the male population as a whole and slag us off to high heaven as no good cheaters who's brains are ruled by what's in our pants. Like I said previously would women be so forgiving if a bloke had done the same?..and would they give the same advice??

yea i probably agree with you there wibbles
i think women cheat on men just as much as men cheat on women - i know LOTS of examples of women cheating on men but it's blokes that get the bad press - it's like we're almost expected to cheat and face accusations of being a 'typical' bloke for doing so. i never cheat - ref: previous post

Originally posted by wibbles
mmm..I'd like to see your reaction if your fella gave you that excuse..would you be so forgiving???
"I'm so sorry love but I slipped and fell on a womens lips with mine...it was purely accidental...honest :) "

The worst betrayals are emotional ones. I would, and have forgiven drunken kisses cos they arn't real cases of infidelity. Where the heart is involved, or intent now that hurts. The worst pain i've suffered from a relationship is when my partner plotted with another women to start up a relationship while we were still (living) together. This is not about gender. Its about what someone considers true betrayal. This is only my opinion mind.

Originally posted by wibbles
It seems like a case of double standards. All sisters stick together if they do something wrong but if a bloke makes a 'mistake' then women are all too quick to pounce on the male population as a whole and slag us off to high heaven as no good cheaters who's brains are ruled by what's in our pants. Like I said previously would women be so forgiving if a bloke had done the same?..and would they give the same advice??

I stick with my friends, male or female. You will always fall on the side with which you have the most empathy. In the real world that will be whoever is your close friend, unfortunatly in the virtual world it may end up being whatever gender you are. Maybe you will just sympathisis with which ever perspective you have personally held or which situation you've been in yourself.

Originally posted by wibbles
It seems like a case of double standards. All sisters stick together if they do something wrong but if a bloke makes a 'mistake' then women are all too quick to pounce on the male population as a whole and slag us off to high heaven as no good cheaters who's brains are ruled by what's in our pants. Like I said previously would women be so forgiving if a bloke had done the same?..and would they give the same advice??

If it was him that this had happened to and he told me, I would do my best to understand what happened and try to find out if it was really the drink or maybe something wrong with us?
I would never of done it sober and to be honest I just did pull away quick enough - it was like, one minute talking next I felt lips and I moved. I think I was more shocked by it which is why I've felt so bad.
But people do need to remember that everyone makes mistakes.

This all seems so blown out of proportion, a 3 second drunken kiss...?? these things happen some times.... you should not need to be worrying this much over it...

Ach, forget it and get on with life. Worse things happen at sea. Brush it off.

I'm chilled out about it now and I'm not going to tell him - I'll just see if the other guy says anything

Well I think its disgraceful and I call for a public flogging :thumbsup:

Originally posted by wibbles
Well I think its disgraceful and I call for a public flogging :thumbsup:

Thanks alot!

erm..joke :D :D :D :D

I know - do I really come across as that serious?

just checking :thumbsup:

Is this not all getting a bit 'look at me'? :mad:

Originally posted by spook
Is this not all getting a bit 'look at me'? :mad:

You start up something to talk about then? Bored thats all

Personally I'm very black and white on this... no forgiveness, and straight out of the door. May seem harsh but I have never cheated on someone - not even a drunken kiss - and cannot understand how people can make excuses for it. You either do or don't.