Moon Maiden
09-06-2003, 11:15
Bathing Cat Instructions
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe the cat as you carry it to the bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place the cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on lids
so it can't escape.
5. The cat will self-agitate and produce ample suds.
Note: Ignore the ruckus from inside the toilet. The cat is enjoying this.
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a power rinse which is quite
effective.
7. Have someone open the bathroom door, the outside door, and stand as far from
the toilet as possible. Quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket outside where it will air dry.
Sincerely,
The Dog
NEXT
A professional psychic was yesterday arrested on suspicion of breaking and entering her clients' homes after gaining information about the wherabouts of their valuables during sessions.
She was remanded in custody and locked in the cells of the local police station, but escaped late last night. "She is a short woman with a very slight frame, and was apparently able to slip through the bars of her cell un-noticed." Officer Charles Crabtree said today.
As a result there is now....
....a Small Medium at Large!!!
and again
Hallmark Cards you'll probably NEVER see
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me, like the need for therapy..."
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age--almost lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket--I'd miss you a lot and think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--so we're having you put to sleep."
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!" (Available only in Alabama.)
Moon Maiden
guess what mood the maiden is in today????
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe the cat as you carry it to the bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place the cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on lids
so it can't escape.
5. The cat will self-agitate and produce ample suds.
Note: Ignore the ruckus from inside the toilet. The cat is enjoying this.
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a power rinse which is quite
effective.
7. Have someone open the bathroom door, the outside door, and stand as far from
the toilet as possible. Quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket outside where it will air dry.
Sincerely,
The Dog
NEXT
A professional psychic was yesterday arrested on suspicion of breaking and entering her clients' homes after gaining information about the wherabouts of their valuables during sessions.
She was remanded in custody and locked in the cells of the local police station, but escaped late last night. "She is a short woman with a very slight frame, and was apparently able to slip through the bars of her cell un-noticed." Officer Charles Crabtree said today.
As a result there is now....
....a Small Medium at Large!!!
and again
Hallmark Cards you'll probably NEVER see
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me, like the need for therapy..."
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age--almost lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket--I'd miss you a lot and think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--so we're having you put to sleep."
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!" (Available only in Alabama.)
Moon Maiden
guess what mood the maiden is in today????