Eighteen months ago my best mate died and since then I have noticed that most people who I thought were friends only turn up when they want something. Everyone seems to be so wrapped up in themselves and looking after number one to take the time to appreciate what true friendship is. I have been priveliged to have experienced the love of a true friend. I could call on him any time day or night and he would have been here for me straight away and the same goes for me being there for him. Once a week we would meet up to catch up on things and just generally enjoy being in each others company. Obviously I miss my friend but I just don't understand why other people just seem to want aqaintences rather than true friends. Are most men affraid people may get the wrong idea if they become too pally with another man. Is it just me who has the problem. Will someone tell me.

really sorry to hear about your mate virgo. must be a really hard time for you. :(

i know what you want right now is someone to replace the friend that you have lost. and you feel sad that the friends you have, don't live up to those expectations...but that's not really being fair on them.

how long had you known this guy? if its a long time, that kind of companionship is based on longevity and shared experience/background. takes a while to build up that level of friendship.

i don't think the problem lies with you, just a difficult situation that you're in at the moment, that's all.

was in a sort of similar position to you, this time last year, myself. its hard, but it really does get better with time!

hope things get better for you soon. PM me if you need to offload. :)

He was my mate for 20years but there are people that I have known just as long. I know it may not sound that way but I have come to terms with my loss. One of the biggest problems seems to be the way people put money before all ellse. I know we need money to survive but its not the be all and end all. I have seen money and possesions put before friendship many times and been ripped myself for the sake of a few quid, Usually by people much better off financially than me. Some people would go argue with them but I just feel sorry for them because in my opinion they are missing out on something much more important.

Some people would go argue with them but I just feel sorry for them because in my opinion they are missing out on something much more important.

i quite agree virgo! :)

I sympathise with you on your loss of a true friend. I had a similar relationship with a friend who, like yours, would answer any call, as I would with him. He died a few years ago at the age of eighty, and my one regret is that because a hospital car-park was filled to capacity I didn’t get to his ward in time to say my farewells. Nice guy, very philosophical with stranger beliefs than I have, but Saturday afternoons have never been the same without him. We met at the same time in the same place each week, without ever having to confirm it. Lovely man, and I still miss him today.

... I just don't understand why other people just seem to want aqaintences rather than true friends. Are most men affraid people may get the wrong idea if they become too pally with another man. Is it just me who has the problem. Will someone tell me. It's people. The vast majority of people are hideously shallow. They are far more interested in what they can get out of others, or of what people think of their appearance, rather than sharing the bond that you and your friend have been fortunate enough to have for so many years.
It is they that are missing out, and you will live the rest of your life knowing that you have the capacity to enjoy something very precious, but they will live out their days having never experienced this great gift.

Treasure your memories, and let them warm your heart when others are stressing about their shoes :rolleyes:

What goes around, comes around. or is it the other way around, either way it will be "Pay Back Time" sooner or later.

I was diagnosed on Christmas Eve 1996, so by then all my cards and everything for the year were already sent. When it came round to doing the cards for the following year I got my angry head on and just thought to myself 'I'm not sending a card out to all the people who have known for the last year about me being ill, and being in hospital for nearly 2 months, and off work for 7 months, and going through chemo and loads of surgery and STILL not contacted me for a whole year'- so I didn't, and I didn't feel guilty, and only one of them has ever popped their head up since then (and it will be 10 years this Christmas). Some friends are worth more than any money- I'm lucky enough to have a few of those- but as for the rest, just remember that they are acquaintances and OK to go out to the pub with occasionally rather than people you can lean on in times of need, and you'll be fine.

According to a psychology report that I read not that long ago (and I can't remember where so please don't ask me to reference it) it is estimated that we all only get less than 10 of that sort of true friend in a lifetime- so cherish them and tell them that they matter and are positive in your life- it will make their day.

I think true friendships take a lifetime to build. I really do. When you're young, you make a lot of friends, but over the course of your life, time is a factor, and other things will get in the way. The ones that support you and is still there for you are the true ones, I think. Of course, it goes both ways.

That's why sometimes I think the only true friend u will have for your entire life will be your partner.

i personally have loads of people i would call true friends... in fact when the ex wife and i seperated last year i actually realised for the first time in my life how many "true" friends i actually had. to this day it continues to be one of the most amazing revelations in my life, along with finding out who i really was and finding true love.

there are lots of people who we have as friends who we often take for granted... likewise they can take us for granted when we need them. needless to say friendships rely on many of the qualities that love relies upon...

bago... i used to have that view however i no longer share that opinion... i guess it really comes down to how open you can be with others about your feelings etc. being the way i am... incredibly open... can lead to many great friendships however it also means that you are opening yourself up to the possibility of others using it against you. i guess being able to cope with that comes with time. but personally the more open i am... the more true friends i find...

thats just my opinion anyway... as an aside i have many great friends here on the forum... they all know who they are :)

Eighteen months ago my best mate died and since then I have noticed that most people who I thought were friends only turn up when they want something. Everyone seems to be so wrapped up in themselves and looking after number one to take the time to appreciate what true friendship is. I have been priveliged to have experienced the love of a true friend. I could call on him any time day or night and he would have been here for me straight away and the same goes for me being there for him. Once a week we would meet up to catch up on things and just generally enjoy being in each others company. Obviously I miss my friend but I just don't understand why other people just seem to want aqaintences rather than true friends. Are most men affraid people may get the wrong idea if they become too pally with another man. Is it just me who has the problem. Will someone tell me.

A true friend is very hard to find. We all have friends, some who we see regularly and others we dont. I see my best friend rarely.

But a good and true friend is very rare. He or she will stick by you through anything so you have my sympathy virgoman3

There are lots of people who we have as friends who we often take for granted... likewise they can take us for granted when we need them. needless to say friendships rely on many of the qualities that love relies upon...

I guess it really comes down to how open you can be with others about your feelings etc. being the way i am... incredibly open... can lead to many great friendships however it also means that you are opening yourself up to the possibility of others using it against you. i guess being able to cope with that comes with time. but personally the more open i am... the more true friends i find...

I'm with Livestrong on this one.

True friendship is incredibly important to me, and I think it would be fair to say that I value those genuine friendships hugely.

They also regard me in the same light too, which is just as wonderful :)

I'm sorry you lost your friend Virgo. Losing someone we love is always difficult. Unfortunately, I know this all too well.

However, having met you, you're a lovely chap, and you're doing nothing wrong! Personally, I think the fact that you are able to form this kind of relationship with another man and talk about it openly says far more about who you are than you might think.

Like you say, a large proportion of people are far too enveloped in themselves and their own lives. Some people are just too busy to take time out to make these kind of friendships.

Their loss I say :)

One day, when they're old, sat watching Trisha (who'll still be on) eating their 'Menumasters for one', and peeing into their kangapants, they might just stop to think....

Stagey x

As Medusa said, we often confuse acquaintances with friends.
Finding true friends are like the winning numbers in the lottery, v rare.

Z

True friends are rare I think, there are good friends who will be there if you ask, but a true friend is one who is there for you before you need to ask. I am lucky enough to have 1 of each, and try to make sure that I am as good a friend to them as they are to me - a difficult task as it is so easy to get wrapped up in your own life.

However, having met you, you're a lovely chap, and you're doing nothing wrong! Personally, I think the fact that you are able to form this kind of relationship with another man and talk about it openly says far more about who you are than you might think.

Thanks for that Stagewalker

I have a plague on my wall which says:

A friend is there before you know it
To lend a hand before you ask it
And give you love just when you need it most.

Its very short but says it all.

I know how you feel Virgoman, I too lost a true friend 7 years ago, I'd do anything for him and he was there for me too.

Sadly friends like that are hard to come by

So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend :( , true friends are very rare especialy in this "every man for himself society", i think we are blessed if we find one.
I believe Medusa is right, people have a tendancy to confuse acquaintances with friends, i have found the old saying to be very true ....Smile and the world smiles with you....cry and you cry alone.
It hurts to find that people are like this especialy when you have made the effort to be there for them in thier time of need :rant:

Both my wife and myself have been there for many people over the years and its amazing how quickly they forget this when their troubles are over. At times this does bother me but I refuse to let this change me.
A few years ago I met a university lecturer who had been off work for quite some time with mental problems because of the troubles around the world, I remember asking him why, as he could'nt change the world. I now realise I was wrong,at least to a certain extent . We may not be able to change the world as a whole but we can certainly do our best to make our little piece of it a better place.

We may not be able to change the world as a whole but we can certainly do our best to make our little piece of it a better place.
That is very true :)

Both my wife and myself have been there for many people over the years and its amazing how quickly they forget this when their troubles are over. At times this does bother me but I refuse to let this change me.
A few years ago I met a university lecturer who had been off work for quite some time with mental problems because of the troubles around the world, I remember asking him why, as he could'nt change the world. I now realise I was wrong,at least to a certain extent . We may not be able to change the world as a whole but we can certainly do our best to make our little piece of it a better place.

'One man cannot change the world, but he can change the world for one man!'

Ok, off to bed now - been a long, busy day.

NN folks :)

Stagey x

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.

If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this .......... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there

I got sent this recently from a good friend. It was on a handwritten note:

'Friendship is like peeing your pants.

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth!

Thank you for being the pee in my pants!'

I think I was touched!

:)

Very funny and very true :hihi:

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.

If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this .......... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there

Bloody Hell, owdlad, I'm getting soft.

That story bought a tear to my eye.

Some years ago I had a 'triple whammy' in a short period of time - personal illness, financial crash and bereavement, and people I thought were my friends were out of my life before I could blink.

There are a few folks who stayed with me from back then; they're great guys and I think I treat them dreadfully, but they were the ones who hung on in there when the crap hit the fan.

I'd be very happy if I could die with the words 'he was a great friend to those who knew him' featured somewhere in my obituary.

Bloody Hell, owdlad, I'm getting soft.

That story bought a tear to my eye.


Mine too.

That was a lovely post, Owdlad - thank you. :)

StarSparkle

You are most welcome folks. I try to post something sensible at least once a year, just to confuse you all ;)

owdlad, you won't know why I say this, and I won't elucidate, but you have, by that post, solved a problem I was having with a situation. I won't expand further on it.

Thanks very much indeed.....and best regards:thumbsup:

Owdlad, that was just the best post I have ever read on here! Thank-you for always contributing something really special to the forum...:thumbsup:

Owdlad, that was just the best post I have ever read on here! Thank-you for always contributing something really special to the forum...:thumbsup:

Where did you get that from owdlad, Pure magic. I been bringing people to my pc to read it.

Shurrup now, you lot are ruining my image ;)

Shurrup now, you lot are ruining my image ;)

I bet you got the leg over when you told the missus that you big girls blouse :D

Good post owdlad :thumbsup:

Erino obviously thought it good enough to say it twice! :)

Blooming good post!

You tend to find out who your true friends are when you really need them, I hope that you don't worry yourself about pple that show themselves to be fair-weather friends.

Unfortunatley it did cause me some problems to start with but I am getting my head around it now, Although it has left me very bitter.

Erino obviously thought it good enough to say it twice! :)

Blooming good post!

oops, and heres me thinking no-one would notice! cheers Stack :D

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article6836190.ece

Just about that saddest photo I've ever seen in a newspaper.

I was going to start a new thread but then found this one with such a lovely old post from Owdlad.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article6836190.ece

Just about that saddest photo I've ever seen in a newspaper.

Wow! How poignant. What a story that picture tells of a beautiful friendship that was tragically cut so short.

:(