hope this isnt a 2 deppressing subject but its something a lot of people find very diffiocult 2 talk about. in 1989 my dad became unwell with lukemia and had kemo therapy on and of 4 about 2 years. altho he went in 2 remmision in 1990 he was still quite frailand in 1990 my mum discovered she had breast cancer . she had her breast removed but unknown 2 me and my sisters it had spread and she was terminally ill. she kept all this from me and my sisters and it wasnt till the night she died that we found out how seriousthis was. my dad and mom had kept this 2 them selfs even tho my dad was battling cancer himself. my mom died in march 1991 and my dad kind of gave up on his treatment and died in october 91.altho its 13 years ago i have never realy come 2 terms with the fact that you could lose both parents so quickly and in such a tragic way . after both funerals the priest said 2 me that theres a meaning 4 these things happening , i just walked straight passed him and left. the reason i posted this is 2 see if its just me who has trouble talking about this or not thanks

My father contracted colon cancer when he was 54.....I suspect that he had had symptoms months before he went to see his GP.
They did an exploratory op., found he was untreatable and he faded away over 6 months in pain, in bed, eating virtually nothing.
He had been a big strong bloke and it was mind-numbing to watch it.

A couple of years later my mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma, didn't really tell me how serious it was and she was gone within a year. She had fallen out with my wife (and me) just before diagnosis but with my mother keeping me in the dark early on as to how really serious things were( but with other family members knowing) it caused a rift in the extended family and damaged my marriage 'cos they thought we were being heartless not going to see her together, when actually we didn't know what they did about her illness.
Two deaths 3 years apart was bad enough but the legacy at my Mother's passing because she kept the details to herself and then spread poison amongst the family....... it's so bad I rarely look back and think about the good times because it reminds me at the same time of how it all ended. I feel sick just typing this out.
She was very brave and in terrible pain at the end but I just can't summon up fond memories because of all the damage she did coupled with my own failing to confront this situation at the time.

It's not just you, brooksy, that finds it difficult to talk about such things as I know only too well. I suppose I'd better change my user name, now that I've put this on site!

i think thats the problem a stiff upper lip is expected all the time, u only realy get 2 let your guard down when your on your own with your thoughts and memories, good or bad . i have had spells when ididnt talk 2 my sisters because i suspected they knew how seriously ill my mom was but they hadnt told me cause they didnt think i could cope, the down side there being family not seeing each other 4 years. i think thats the thing which sometimes i miss most going up 2 my parents with my kids, meeting up with all my sisters and family up there,especially xmas and weekends ete. when they both died that seem 2 finish all that and i very rarely see my sisters and there kids, which i suppose is what happens 2 a family unit when the main catalists arnt there anymore. by the way i woudnt even think bout changing your screen name . cheers anyway 4 your time and comments .

Seeing family is about priorities. I have an aunt who's quite frail.
Instead of seeing her a couple of times a year because there was always something important to do, there was no time etc, I am making sure to visit every other 3 week or so. I'm making time and feeling happier about doing so. It's worth a thought.

Grieving or coming to terms with the death of a loved one I believe is a bit like love,in the way that it's as individual as you are. I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to grieve due to this belief. I have seen my fair share of death and the way that it is handled by all those around, some people are histerical with grief while others gieve silently, internally and privately. My Dad died in January, what helped me through that time and the grieving process was being able to come on to this forum and get involved with some of the characters on this thing, it enabled me to see beyond my grief and realise that there is a bunch of individuals living and enjoying life. It gave me the opportunity to vent my frustrations,rage, anger, sorrow, self pity and every other feeling that was bubbling around in my emotional pressure cooker at the time, although until now the rest of the forummers would have have never known this.
So my advice to you is take as much time as it takes, if it's right for you thats all that matters, after all only you can do your grieving for you. And let those who are around you and love you support you through it, that's what they are there for.
You would do the same for them!
So if talking/contributing to this forum help's you get it off your chest and helps at all, then I for one will always be willing to listen
because I know that your not on your own at there and I'm sure all the other forummers would agree. Finally Nedd don't change your name!

thanks 4 your thoughts bulldog ill bear them in mind . cheers brooksy

i lost my dad on the 16th november 1979,then my mum on the 26th november 1979,its been awhile i know,but i still miss them so much.