Do you have a good platonic relationship (frienship) with a member of the opposite sex!?

Is it possible for such frienship to florish ... or will sex pop it's ugly (!) head up and spoil things !?

Do you catch youself thinking ... "I wonder if they fancy me!?" ... OR ... "I wonder if I fancy them!?" ....

Is it possible to have a grovey friendly honest thing between boy and girl !?

Be cool if it was :)

xx

I have 4 very close friends who are all female :)

So yes its possible. If you value your friendship with them you won't let sex or feelings get in the way or you will lose it.

I've been close with a good friend, probably closer than I should be but we're still very good mates despite any feelings that may be present :D

So yes Jamie its possible, just don't read too much into them mate

:thumbsup:

Besides which, Girls are the best listeners.. You have your lad mates and your girl mates :clap:

It may be possible vut somehow i doubt it will always be thought of as strictly plutonic either by one side or the other. I have a friend who is a lesbian and although we are good friends I have once or twice thought 'gee she's nice' Not much point as she's not interested in guys and as we have a good friendship she knows what I think and sometimes takes a perverse delight in winding me up slightly.
'Do you think this swim suit looks nice on me'?
Annoyingh girl!!

Originally posted by WallBuilder
It may be possible vut somehow i doubt it will always be thought of as strictly plutonic either by one side or the other. I have a friend who is a lesbian and although we are good friends I have once or twice thought 'gee she's nice' Not much point as she's not interested in guys and as we have a good friendship she knows what I think and sometimes takes a perverse delight in winding me up slightly.
'Do you think this swim suit looks nice on me'?
Annoyingh girl!!

You should watch Chasing Amy, it might speak to you about your situation. :)

Originally posted by Snook
You should watch Chasing Amy, it might speak to you about your situation. :)

Great film Snook !!

I've got one or two very good female friends, and yeah, they're very good listeners and great company.

I have always (in the past) felt a bit guarded with girls, and on edge, as if I can't just let go, open up and share what's really on my mind.

I'm quite a complicated person, and very hard to read. What's goin on inside my head isn't always apparent, and I just think it's great to have someone you can trust to share all ya crap with.

It's just a case of finding the ones you can trust !!!

Originally posted by Jamie
Do you have a good platonic relationship (frienship) with a member of the opposite sex!?



Yes..I have and it is possible...but not always. You just have to be honest with each other I spose.

May be harder if both of you are single or (obviously!) if one of you has different feelings for the other.

(Good film by the way..but all of his are anyway!)

People like to be liked. :confused: It's flattering to think that somebody admires you. Why should this get in the way of friendship?

Stalking is different though :D

Maybe I'm just wierd, but I've never found sex got in the way of a good friendship, with either sex.

Too much information Strix darling

I don't find it a problem at all. Most of my close friend are girls, some married / partnered, some single. I've never slept with any of them.

Lots of people have suggested I'm gay. I'm not sure, but my boyfriend most definately is! :clap:

K x

Originally posted by Hels
Too much information Strix darling

Maybe you read that wrong

possibly - i've never found it a problem with either sex either (now that doesn't sound grammatically correct to me)!

Having considered this, I got to thinking about how many times I have had to fight off the husband or boyfriend of one of these friends... not good, especially when they are present in the same house! :gag:

Girls - watch your boyfriends / husbands!!! :gag:

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Having considered this, I got to thinking about how many times I have had to fight off the husband or boyfriend of one of these friends... not good, especially when they are present in the same house! :gag:

Girls - watch your boyfriends / husbands!!! :gag:

K x
Is that one of those 'I'm not bent, but I'm fanciable and I'll prove it' situations?

Originally posted by Strix
Is that one of those 'I'm not bent, but I'm fanciable and I'll prove it' situations?

Don't know. I would imagine this mindset would go towards 'flirting' rather than 'unzipping' :thumbsup:

I have just been counting, and it has happenned on at least 5 occassions! Given the fact I've only been 'out' for approx 7 years, this is quite a lot.

It's really got me thinking now. What has caused this? I am not a 'slag' so why does it happen?

Maybe I'm stunning? :D

K x

Perhaps it's a different stereotype test? Or perhaps they treat all their friends' partners this way and wouldn't want you guys to feel left out? :thumbsup:

Or they may be testing to see if you are gay, or whether there's a possibility you and their g/f are not 'just good friends'.

Of course it may be you're drop dead gorgeous!

Originally posted by Strix
Of course it may be you're drop dead gorgeous!

I have been mistaken for Jeremy Edwards in the street! :thumbsup:

K x

Originally posted by Strix
Or they may be testing to see if you are gay, or whether there's a possibility you and their g/f are not 'just good friends'.

Oh, they knew I was gay. Very gay... :blush:
K xx

Jeremy Edwards? Is he the one that's just been in celebrity big brother? He's a sweetie! Polite, well mannered, good looking ...

Originally posted by Kristian
Oh, they knew I was gay. Very gay... :blush:
K xx
I'm intrigued! What's 'very gay'? Or should I not ask :rolleyes:




Who's Jeremy Edwards? :confused:

Originally posted by Kristian
Oh, they knew I was gay. Very gay... :blush:
K xx

:o You made the first move? :o :D

Originally posted by Strix
I'm intrigued! What's 'very gay'? Or should I not ask :rolleyes:

I didn't so much 'come out of the closet' as 'explode out of the closet'!

It's a lot to keep in for 23 years, especially when you were engaged to be married for four of them! :D

Get yourself to Climax or VIP to see what I mean...

K x

I'm still none the wiser!

It's far too late. I'm going to sleep.

G'night ;)

Yup, me too. G'night folks.

Originally posted by Hels
Yup, me too. G'night folks.

Night from me too! Jeremy Edwards tried to say night to you all, but I had him trapped under a blanket. Was frighened Peter might hear...

K x :D

can't say i've ever really had a female 'mate' - in a platonic sense

I have a lot of male friends. I think the trick is to not try and make yourself attractive to that person, like you would to someone you wanted.

People settle for friendship when they know they have no chance of success in stealing their object's affections.

Then again, I've known of situations where people have been friends for years and finally got together. It happened with me and my bloke. We weren't close friends, but we always chatted and there was definitely something there - but it took 3 years for anything to happen. Sometimes all you need is to step back a bit, and make the other person see what life is like without you in their lives.

There's nothing wrong with male / female relationships. Life may be boring if we had same sex friendships and the only member of the opposite sex in our life was partner / parents / siblings / family.....

so people should just enjoy life with whoever they are friends with, irrespective of what sex they are. Having friends that are members of the opposite sex means you can get another take on lifes mysteries.

depends really

if your a hilarious bloke who everyone likes but are dog ugly with revolting b.o. then YES

not speaking of anyone imparticular!!

My better friends are men, though I have femaile friends too. I've let various female friendships fade over the years, too much bitchyness or stereotype female teen behaviour and I'm not a fan.
I love a chat as much as the next woman but I find my male friends occasionally better company though lousy for clothes/girlie shopping.
The Harry met Sally syndrome is true of a lot of situations but it kind of reverses too, I'm very good friends with a couple of my exes, my current partner isn't always ecstatic about it but he trusts me if not them.
Platonic exes, in my experience, make the best of friends! :)

... without there being any 'interests' involved - Eg. Can a bloke be good mates with a woman, and NOT fancy her?

Its just something that was said at work got me thinking and so I would like your opinions.

Ta,

Kirsty

Nope, they always want something; whether its a relationship/fun or just a back up plan

Nope, they always want something; whether its a relationship/fun or just a back up plan

lol @ back up plan

Well I can , and some of my closest friends are female, but then I don`t fancy them whihc probably is down to the fact I am gay ...........

Yes my best friend is a girl and i don't fancy her:)

The answer has got to be a definite NO.

I have plenty of close female friends i'm not attracted to.

Wilf

I have plenty of close female friends i'm not attracted to.

Wilf

so why are they your friends wilf? :)

The answer has got to be a definite NO.

Why? back up your arguement you:)

I have plenty of close female friends i'm not attracted to.

Wilf


Just got minging friends :D

When i was at school I had more male friends than i did female (probably down to playing football) and i only know of one that fancied me at the time. I do have male friends now that dont fancy me too.

Having spent most of my adult life in a female orientated profession I can say yes, a bloke can have close female friends and not fancy them.

But every holes a goal right? :thumbsup:

I've got loads of female friends, in fact probably more, then again I'm that sort of guy (and not gay)

Hm.. I think for me, my answers changed from time to time. I now do believe that you can be close friends. I'm not sure about the fancying bit though. Esp reading some of the comments said !

Maybe the questions should be:
can male and female be friends only
can male and female be close friends, and NOT fancy each other.

Hm.. I think for me, my answers changed from time to time. I now do believe that you can be close friends. I'm not sure about the fancying bit though. Esp reading some of the comments said !

Maybe the questions should be:
can male and female be friends only
can male and female be close friends, and NOT fancy each other.

Yeah, i should have really asked those questions! :rolleyes:

In my personal opinion, I think they can be mates without either of them fancying the other. I just wanted to see what other people thought.

I think males and females can be friends, yes. My closest friends are female, and I think I'm a better person because of them.

I have some close male friends who I fancy lol :hihi: :hihi:

My oldest and one of my dearest friend is male, we met through an ex of mine, he is long gone from both our lives

Working in a male industry so I have got lots of male friends

I think I am really lucky and IMO those people with no friends of the opposite sex miss out on such a lot, its great having a male and female perspective on things

Px

Just got minging friends :D

Well, you're one of my close female friends, however, you're probably not the best example considering i'm supposed to be talkign about female friends i'm NOT attracted to.

Unless you'd rather be the "mingin'" variety?

Wilf

course they can some of my best friends are girls and i don't fancy any of them

Yeah, i should have really asked those questions!
In my personal opinion, I think they can be mates without either of them fancying the other. I just wanted to see what other people thought.
lol... Sorry, I should omit the word, 'only'.
I suppose it depends on how you view friendships. Just talking to someone casually does not constitute as a friendship to me personally. You need to get to know them on a very personal level. I mean, personal, personal.

I have male 'girlfriends', and then male friends, but rarely many male close friends. Well, my ex was. Then, there's the possible potential there. If u see what I mean. To me, there's no such thing as a close male friend.

Why? back up your arguement you:)

I am not arguing, Craig.......I am realistically having my "quiet, contemplative moment"........
The answer is still No. :)

There's a difference between fancying them sober and fancying them drunk aswell :rolleyes:




Well, you're one of my close female friends, however, you're probably not the best example considering i'm supposed to be talkign about female friends i'm NOT attracted to.

Unless you'd rather be the "mingin'" variety?

Wilf


Oh

Oh


Now thats just being cruel!

Wilf

Mod Note. Threads merged.

Have you been watching 'When Harry Met Sally'?

Yes, I think a bloke can have close female friends, just like a woman can have close male friends. I have more male friends than female, and I shared a house with two blokes while at uni.

The problems occur when the boyfriend/girlfriend gets a bit concerned about it, if they happen to be the jealous type.

I'd perhaps be a touch concerned if a bloke with who I was in a relationship was still close to a previous partner, depending on how the relationship ended. I'm probably just paranoid though.

Mod Note. Threads merged.

Sorry, i didnt see the original thread :blush:

Have you been watching 'When Harry Met Sally'?

Yes, I think a bloke can have close female friends, just like a woman can have close male friends. I have more male friends than female, and I shared a house with two blokes while at uni.

The problems occur when the boyfriend/girlfriend gets a bit concerned about it, if they happen to be the jealous type.

I'd perhaps be a touch concerned if a bloke with who I was in a relationship was still close to a previous partner, depending on how the relationship ended. I'm probably just paranoid though.

Im the most paranoid person you will talk to, trust me! (and iv also been told that by a mate!)

When Harry Met Sally? No, iv not seen that haha - i gather it is based on this topic?!

Im not usually the jealous type. Im happy with me fella and we'v only been going out a month!! Its just what was said at work that got me thinking, the fact he has female friends hasnt bothered me before.

Sorry, i didnt see the original thread :blush:


No worries Kirsty :)

When Harry Met Sally? No, iv not seen that haha - i gather it is based on this topic?!


I think theres a line in the movie where someone says Men and Women cant be friends because the sex thing gets in the way

I am not arguing, Craig.......I am realistically having my "quiet, contemplative moment"........
The answer is still No. :)
Lol. Ironically, I wanted to know the answer to that too.
Never mind. Maybe it's too 'sensitive' to say... :hihi: !

Im not usually the jealous type. Im happy with me fella and we'v only been going out a month!! Its just what was said at work that got me thinking, the fact he has female friends hasnt bothered me before.
Ah... the fact that you were not dating him before makes a huge difference. Now that you are, it is hard to control your feelings and emotions. Unfortunately, you have to go through periods of tests on how much you trust the guy. It is not easy. I think my ex was jealous to begin with, but then I got a bit jealous on him too. Cos he has got a lot of female friends too. It's always a case of, who loves the other one more will feel a tad more jealous, until it evens out and it doesn't matter any more as u date for longer.

I cant see no reason why not. If i have things to discuss that are private, like what's going on in my love life i only talk it over with woman. Ironically one of them is my x fiancee. I talk to her and want her advise on my love life and vice versa, which is crazy!!!!

Last Saturday watching football at a male mates house they asked whats going off in that department i couldn't bring myself to dicuss it.

Question, is that weird i feel as though i can only talk about my romance/love/whatever you want to call it life with female friends and not male????:confused:

Maybe i should start a thread:roll:

I cant see no reason why not. If i have things to discuss that are private, like what's going on in my love life i only talk it over with woman. Ironically one of them is my x fiancee. I talk to her and want her advise on my love life and vice versa, which is crazy!!!!...
I can understand you wanting to have a female perspective, but doesn't your current partner - presuming you have one - feel a little perturbed about you discussing the details of your love life with your ex-fiance?

Yes blokes can have female friendships which are completely innocent and same with girls having male friends. In my experience, you get a little feeling inside if you feel a particular friendship seems a litte 'too' friendly and that is the only time you need worry. It's hard to describe but I think you just know if a girl has feelings for your boyfriend and indeed whether he has feelings for someone else too.

It's good to think about these things and also to get them in perspective, just don't worry unneccessarily! x

My ex always used to say that yes, it was perfectly possible to have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex - but one half of the pairing would be hoping that things would go further.

I think he's right. I think it takes one half to genuinely not fancy the other half, then it's 'platonic' because they hold the reins (even if it's not voiced). It'd be hard for anyone to disagree with this, 'cos in practice it would need both 'halves' to post on here to say, yup, I really don't fancy him/her. Otherwise, we only have your word for it that the other party feels the same as you! ;)

And they may well value your friendship enough to not spoil things by telling you that they fancy the socks off you and actually would rather **** (that word is 'talk' lol) (or has the glitch now been fixed? haha) you stupid and have a proper relationship with you.

IMO, of course....

I can understand you wanting to have a female perspective, but doesn't your current partner - presuming you have one - feel a little perturbed about you discussing the details of your love life with your ex-fiance?

I can understand where you coming from. At the moment i dont have a partner as such. Someone i'm fond of but very early days.

So far she has not had a problem as she is also now really good friends with her ex. We have both had long term relationships with our respective x's that have just ended through a natural end, not cheating or anything.

I know they regulary talk to each other. She (dont want to put names) has met my ex and they said hello everything polite and it would appear i will meet her ex this saturday...and my ex will be there, should be an interesting night!! lol

if it came to a point where she would have a problem with me discussing my private life with my ex then i would stop. I dont go into too much details by the way. Just general things!! lol

Incidently we are both 30 so not kids, sadly, anymore.

The point of my original question was it seems a bit strange that i feel more comfortable talking about my private life (not sex, what goes on my head, general stuff) with female (not just ex) friends than male friends. Seems a bit strange to me but i've always been the same, just never really noticed until last week!!

i feel more comfortable talking about my private life (not sex, what goes on my head, general stuff) with female (not just ex) friends than male friends. Seems a bit strange to me but i've always been the same, just never really noticed until last week!!

It makes you normal.....

:)

Yeh. I think it's healthy. Cos the male and female mind do not think the same way. At all. Though, there has to be *something* that you only tell your partners, and that is why for me to answer the Q. It would be 'No', you can't be that close a friend to the person without fancying them. Cos I would want to date such person. Unless the other person don't, which means we can't be friends.

If you're soul mates, then shouldn't you be together ?

It's not only possible to have close female friends who are purely platonic, it's also really easy.... even if there is an attraction. When choosing friends of either sex, we are naturally drawn to people who have attributes we admire, either physical or in personality.
What really matters is that you can connect on a deeper level and put your trust in that person, and they can do likewise, which makes for a great friendship which can last a lifetime. Partners' jealousy is a completely separate issue, or should be IMO.

of course you can!!! i lose count of the amount of really good female friends i have... many through the forum too...

it is like with any friendship... if you are honest, open, caring, supportive, respectful etc etc etc then any friendship will blossom...

:)

Do you have a good platonic relationship (frienship) with a member of the opposite sex!?
Is it possible for such frienship to florish ... or will sex pop it's ugly (!) head up and spoil things !?
Do you catch youself thinking ... "I wonder if they fancy me!?" ... OR ... "I wonder if I fancy them!?" ....
Is it possible to have a grovey friendly honest thing between boy and girl !?
Be cool if it was :)
xx
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course it is possible to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, and sex never shows its ugly head. The friends that i have has florished, there was one where the wife thought we was having an affair tho' i could not understand it as he was in birmingham and i am in sheffield ??????????.
but even the thought of sex has never entered our heads, i am happily married. now i do not think that 2 single people on the subject of opposite sex and platonic sex could possibly lead to something nice if wanted.

I got on more with males then female. I think it because i grew up when i was younger with males on my road has i only had 2 female freind's and the rest was male. I've not fancy any of my male freinds in a way to be my boyfreind, they all like brothers to me, I kept relationships spepreate, I never dated any of my male freinds. So yes i know you can be friends with the oppsite sex, That why too im not the jelouse type if say my partner at the time had more female freinds then male, it would not bother me one bit.

My best female friend once said to me "One of the best things about you is that I can't imagine you with genitals!"

In a strange, paradoxical way, I think it was a compliment.......

Do you have a good platonic relationship (frienship) with a member of the opposite sex!?

Is it possible for such frienship to florish ... or will sex pop it's ugly (!) head up and spoil things !?

Do you catch youself thinking ... "I wonder if they fancy me!?" ... OR ... "I wonder if I fancy them!?" ....

Is it possible to have a grovey friendly honest thing between boy and girl !?

Be cool if it was :)

xx

4 definate u car av frends dat are da opposite sex, i av got ldz o lad frends n i dnt fancyu them at all n they dnt fancy me at all. lads r easyer 2 get on wit cuz thy r less bitchy lol. xxxxxxxx

My best friend is female and we've known each other since we were 12. I think of her like a sister, and it's often invaluable to get a female viewpoint on things. She's away travelling at the moment and so I've not seen her since February.

This was just before I met my current girlfriend, which is a shame as my best friend is the first person I ask the opinion of when I get a new girlfriend. My girlfriend says she's a bit jealous of the idea that I have a female best friend, but I think she'll be okay about it when they actually meet up.

One advantage of having a female best friend is that I've become the master of the conditioned response.

"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"No"

"Does this outfit look okay?"
"It looks great"

"Do you think I've lost weight since we last met"
"Loads"

"I feel fat today"
"No-one could possibly think that"

I've become so good at it that I usually respond without actually looking at the outfit etc.

:D

just conrol yourself!!!!!!!!!!!! :nono:

You know, when a guy says that, I don't trust his opinions, cos I know he may have such conditions responses regardless ! So what makes you choose to date a person ? (I see the beginning of another thread here...)

up th blades

I always get the feeling that if we got drunk we would probably end up in bed together.

And if you do, that'll be the end of your friendship.... :(

I used too.

I find that if you're going out with someone it's very difficult to have really close friends of the opposite sex, or indeed the same sex if you're gay.

A few years back I had a female friend I often shared a bed with (nothing sexual ever went off) and we often went out on weekend benders.

This ended once I met my partner as she couldn't cope with it.

To be fair, I would have probably reacted the same in her situation