Well, to be more exact a question for a certain type of Femenist - the type who believes that men should not be interested in what a girl looks like.

This has puzzled me for a while now. There is a school of Femenism that believes it is wrong for a man to be physically attracted to a woman or (rather naively in my view) to even notice if you find her phyically attractive or not.

So here is the question:

If men cannot take an interest in attractive women (however we may define that) what happens to the attractive women? Are they not allowed to have boyfriends?

Unless I am missing something here that is the only logical conclusion to this argument.

There is a school of Femenism that believes it is wrong for a man to be physically attracted to a woman.

Bet these feminists are ugly.:hihi:

I didn't realise that was what feminists thought.

I have never met anyone with that opinion, but I think it is a general feeling amoungst the girls that you should find them attractive as a package rather than just be shallow and like them because they're pretty.

I must admit, it annoys me when my male friends only like a girl because of her looks, I think most men grow out of this though don't they?

women are the same!

most girls/women i know will say "look at him, he's fit"

so what's the difference!

women are the same!

most girls/women i know will say "look at him, he's fit"

so what's the difference!

The difference is - that's not the ONLY thing girls/women are interested in! :D

Only joking, before anyone starts! :P

StarSparkle

The difference is - that's not the ONLY thing girls/women are interested in! :D

Only joking, before anyone starts! :P

StarSparkle

but men are interested in a wide veriaty of things when it comes to women:

- Breasts
- Bottom
- legs
- tummy
- and last but not least - face

:hihi:

So here is the question:

If men cannot take an interest in attractive women (however we may define that) what happens to the attractive women? Are they not allowed to have boyfriends?

Unless I am missing something here that is the only logical conclusion to this argument.

Lol you have set this out like an essay question sid. You should have just put 'discuss' at the end. Beats what I've got to write about on the subject of altruistic behaviour...

Now come on Sid, no-one is stopping you from liking Emma Bunton. Or Billie Piper...

:D

I have been told by a woman (lets call her Shirley for reasons of embarasment) that I should not care in the least what women look like and that it is totally irrelevent.

I don't really know what it has to do with her but she is someone who likes judging others all the time. To be fair she is not the only one who said this.

It sounds like 'shirley' has got a few issues of her own.

But women are judged by their appearance much more than men are. Maybe that's what she's on about.:confused:

but men are interested in a wide veriaty of things when it comes to women:

- Breasts
- Bottom
- legs
- tummy
- and last but not least - face



I think you will find women are interested in much the same, such as, how long they take to casserole, how long a whole one takes to cook on a spit, do they freeze well? How much sauce is required before they become remotely interesting? And last but not least, how long before their loss of face ' Ive been hard done by' two faced, new recipe appears in the John Prescott book of ' Scrambled Eggs for Two' ?

Speaking to a girl called shirley is an improvement on your normal results ss2k.
Now try to find a normal girl and talk to her :-D

Femenists want men to appreciate women for their personality (inner beuty, if you will) rather than just their outer beauty. It doesn't mean you can't compliment a woman on her appearance, it just means your comments have to credit her with someting, for example compliment her on how well her choice of outfit suits her, rather than just saying her boobs look big.

Femenists want men to appreciate women for their personality (inner beuty, if you will) rather than just their outer beauty. It doesn't mean you can't compliment a woman on her appearance, it just means your comments have to credit her with someting, for example compliment her on how well her choice of outfit suits her, rather than just saying her boobs look big.

so for example -

- that is a very nice top you are wearing... an excellent choice... it really makes your boobs look big!!

:hihi: think i'm getting the hang of it!!

I have been told by a woman (lets call her Shirley for reasons of embarasment) that I should not care in the least what women look like and that it is totally irrelevent.

I don't really know what it has to do with her but she is someone who likes judging others all the time. To be fair she is not the only one who said this.


What was the context leading up to the remark? Were you discussing a woman/women who were doing a particular job, for instance? I have never heard a woman say men should not find women attractive. However, I have heard men make judgements about the appearance of female politicians, news readers, athletes, officials, etc, in a way that sounded as if their looks made them more or less worthy of being taken seriously. It can sound inappropriate or belittling, even if the remarks are complimentary. If your conversation started off on a similar line, that would make her remarks more understandable.

so for example -

- that is a very nice top you are wearing... an excellent choice... it really makes your boobs look big!!

:hihi: think i'm getting the hang of it!!

:clap: :clap: :clap: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

slimsid..............you are on a loser with this poster..........:hihi:

but men are interested in a wide veriaty of things when it comes to women:

- Breasts
- Bottom
- legs
- tummy
- and last but not least - face

:hihi:


i thought it went more like this:
breasts
bottom
:|

Generally slimsid feminists have more important things to worry about than whether you are interested in a woman for her boobs or her brain.

Might I suggest a little homework (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/019280510X/qid=1146589778/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/203-0011014-3175953)?

I think CherryNicole and kathythebean have covered the feminist angle very well so I won't post anything further.

Feminists aren't only women, you are aware of that aren't you? In previous centuries many very intelligent and erudite men were noted feminists.

I have been told by a woman (lets call her Shirley for reasons of embarasment) that I should not care in the least what women look like and that it is totally irrelevent.

I don't really know what it has to do with her but she is someone who likes judging others all the time. To be fair she is not the only one who said this.

I think this 'Shirley' said it because in her mind, she defines a relationship as a lot more than just 'looks' and physical attraction. To be honest, if I talk to my girlie friends, they would say the same too. Everybody goes through a 'honeymoon' period. (It may be the 'looks' that starts things off...) But when the crap hits the fan... can you handle it ? Do you know the best way to communicate with each other ? If a female wants commitment forever, and a steady relationship, then she would want to know if you know her 'soul'. You have to connect on a mental level too. Do u know what she thinks next ? Does she know what or why you do what you do etc ?

I think this Shirley friend of yours was being honest, and direct. You may see it as her judging others, but I think she's only advising u to look beyond looks alone. Cos at the end of the day, would u just want a pretty woman by your side who may boost up your ego, or do you want a woman who understands you, and live by your side ?

Women do not approach dating the same way as men.

women are the same!
most girls/women i know will say "look at him, he's fit"
so what's the difference!

I would take that as a tongue in cheek comment. Girls consider the guy as 'eye candy' only. Doesn't mean they want to date him. :rolleyes:

She was having you on Slim........they're all lesbians ;)

Yes, I am. How do you know ? ;)
*muah*muah* (!) :D

I think this 'Shirley' said it because in her mind, she defines a relationship as a lot more than just 'looks' and physical attraction.

To be fair SS, if you go on about fit women and Emma's bum as much in real life as you do on here, you would annoy me to the extent of saying something a lot stronger than 'Shirley' did. She's probably said something similar before but you haven't taken it on board so it probably got thrown out of proportion and made to be that you shouldn't judge on looks AT ALL, rather than you shouldn't base EVERYTHING on looks.

What was the context leading up to the remark? Were you discussing a woman/women who were doing a particular job, for instance? I have never heard a woman say men should not find women attractive. However, I have heard men make judgements about the appearance of female politicians, news readers, athletes, officials, etc, in a way that sounded as if their looks made them more or less worthy of being taken seriously. It can sound inappropriate or belittling, even if the remarks are complimentary. If your conversation started off on a similar line, that would make her remarks more understandable.

Without wanting to badmouth someone who is not here to defend herself this woman is someone I know from a social activity and she is (in my opinion) rather judgemental of others. She is somebody who thinks she has a right (nay a duty) to involve herself in other people's lives if they are doing something which she disagrees with.

The contaxt was that I told her I wanted to have a girlfriend and I mentioned that one (only one of several)) thing that was important to me was that I found the girl phyically attractive. She then made it clear that in her view I shouldn't even consider looks at all when deciding which girls I am interested in.

I think CherryNicole and kathythebean have covered the feminist angle very well so I won't post anything further.

Feminists aren't only women, you are aware of that aren't you? In previous centuries many very intelligent and erudite men were noted feminists.

Certainly and let me make it clear that I am not anti-femenmist myself or beleive that sexual equality is bad. It's just that at some point Femenism changed for some people from being about equality between men and women to trying to tell one sex (males) that they should ignore thousands of years of genetic programming and stop finding women attractive.

Certainly and let me make it clear that I am not anti-femenmist myself or beleive that sexual equality is bad. It's just that at some point Femenism changed for some people from being about equality between men and women to trying to tell one sex (males) that they should ignore thousands of years of genetic programming and stop finding women attractive.
Did Feminism ever have this intention? Physical attraction is (one of) the key factors in forming a relationship. Stating that it should be ignored is ludicrous.

Slimsid:

The views you encountered were of one woman - now believe it or not, not everything any woman says about men that you dont agree with is 'feminism'.

Was she trying to say it was feminism?

On the contrary feminists have mostly said that people should be able to love whoever they wish for whatever reasons, instead of being constrained by societal norms.

Without wanting to badmouth someone who is not here to defend herself this woman is someone I know from a social activity and she is (in my opinion) rather judgemental of others. She is somebody who thinks she has a right (nay a duty) to involve herself in other people's lives if they are doing something which she disagrees with.

The contaxt was that I told her I wanted to have a girlfriend and I mentioned that one (only one of several)) thing that was important to me was that I found the girl phyically attractive. She then made it clear that in her view I shouldn't even consider looks at all when deciding which girls I am interested in.

Okay, it's your opinion that this friend of yours is judgemental. Though, if she said what she said, and she was MY friend ... I would know exactly where she is coming from. (Maybe it's cos I've prob said similar things to a male friend of mine in the past when we were students, that I get why this Shirley friend of yours said what she said.) I don't know whether this is a guy-speak, gal-speak thing.

Well, let me put it this way. Everybody is adult enough to make their own choices. She can say what she likes, but it is down to you what you decide. If you think what she said is so outrageous and out of this world, then ignore her. It's her opinion of your life. (Maybe she was making convo just cos you told her. Like I'm replying to you, just cos you said this publically.) It's not her demanding you must do this. You do have a choice to date who you like, and on what criterias you want it to be. This female is your friend (even u said so), she is not your mother. Why should what she say to you, goes ? She may not understand you and what goes through your mind. If she did, she may not have said what she said, and come from a different angle. Then again, such is life, and such are the differences between ppl.

Anyway, your post reminded me of an old uni friend, and his demeanor used to be like yours too, until he became more realistic and interacted with more female friends, therefore understanding what kind of women he truly want. i.e. not based on looks alone. He used to came across as a bit of a sleaze, bit pervy, and that used to intimidate girls. A lot. Nowadays, he knows he can date a girl if he wants to, and yes, he's asked people out as well as girls asking HIM out. He's more relaxed and not 'on the hunt' all the time. He doesn't act like a caveman any more. He's more relaxed and more of a gentleman. I'm proud to be his friend, actually. The older we get, the less we are at acting like kids. You may think that complimenting women on a sexual level is acceptable, but let's say that women who are strangers to you finds it intimidating. (Ok, I don't know you, but I'm basing this on the rep that you seemed to have built on the SF.) They don't know you, and they don't know what you are like, and your first impression is all that they have to judge u on. To base their trust on etc... If a gal cannot trust you, then why should she date you ?

To be honest which one of us wouldn't be gutted if you went out on a Saturday night in ya skimpiest skirt and every bloke who went past didnt glance??!!

So here is the question:

If men cannot take an interest in attractive women (however we may define that) what happens to the attractive women? Are they not allowed to have boyfriends ?

Ok, I'll keep this one short. To answer the question...
Men can indeed take an 'interest' (whatever this means) to attractive women. This 'interest' however cannot come across or even remotely perceived to the females in questions as:
1) verbal abuse on a sexual level
2) intimidation
3) rude or demeaning to her on a personal level

Attractive women of course are allowed to have boyfriends, but surely they can choose who they date too ? Is it okay for women to turn guys down gently without them being called names ? Or labelled as a 'feminist' ? Can such turn downs be seen as she's not ready for dating, or she's had bad experiences in the past so are more weary, or even because she cannot fully commit and give a relationship the time and attention it needs to bloom ?

Sorri for a bit long-winded, but it's shorter than my normal replies ! :D