This morning my sister went to see her midwife for a routine check- up and the midwife told her that the hearbeat was quite low so she should go to hospital. At the time we were not overly concerned as she was almost full term at 36 weeks, so we sort of expected them to deliver little Lucy or Jessica and everything would be ok.

I have just had a phone call from another sister telling that the baby has died in the womb and my sister has got to go through labour and deliver her. I just can't believe it, my sister is young and healthy ,doesn't smoke and has had a troublefree pregnancy.

To make matters worse, I live 70 miles away from her, although most of my family live close to her. I just feel so numb at the moment, but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her:sad:

that really sucks, i know it doesn't help, but i hope you and your sisters are OK, especially the one who has to give birth still.

OHHH NOOOO!!!


what can anyone say that will help right now, i suspect there is nothing, but my thoughts are with your sister and family and you, it must be so hard being that far away, is there anyway you can take a couple of days off to see her?

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

I have children so I know what it must of been like for your sister to go through childbirth and have nothing at the end of it,at times like these no words can really help. you just have to be patient and let your sister know that you will always be there for her,and when she is ready to talk you will listen,

I can't begin to imagine how arwful that must be for you all, my thoughts really do go out to you and your family.:( :( :(

really sorry to hear that, Hope you and your sisters are ok, i dont know what i'd do if that happpened to one of my sisters, i wouldnt know what to say, but I suppose just being there to listen and cry on would be enough. There's nothing that you can say that will make her feel any better, so be strong and hang in there. Everything always gets better with time.xxx

A friend of mine went into labour at full term and delivered a still born baby, it's one of the most awful things you can go through.
Just be there for her when she gets home and let her talk as much as she needs to about the baby, some people try to ignore the fact that it even existed to get over it and others need desperatELy to talk about that much needed child.

I'm so so sorry for your sisters loss.

This morning my sister went to see her midwife for a routine check- up and the midwife told her that the hearbeat was quite low so she should go to hospital. At the time we were not overly concerned as she was almost full term at 36 weeks, so we sort of expected them to deliver little Lucy or Jessica and everything would be ok.

I have just had a phone call from another sister telling that the baby has died in the womb and my sister has got to go through labour and deliver her. I just can't believe it, my sister is young and healthy ,doesn't smoke and has had a troublefree pregnancy.

To make matters worse, I live 70 miles away from her, although most of my family live close to her. I just feel so numb at the moment, but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her:sad:

That is so awful! A friend of our's went through the same thing last year - they'd just been married a year. She was overdue 2 weeks and was told to go to the hospital on the Tuesday morning if nothing had happened. When she got there, the tests showed that there was no heartbeat and she had to go through labour until the little girl was born early Thursday morning. I cannot understand why they put you through labour - why can't they just do a C section? But the good news is that last week, our friends became the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy - he's gorgeous! Aidan weighed in healthy with a beautiful full head of dark hair! Hopefully your sister will have the same wonderful outcome but the grieving process will be awful for her in the meantime. Give her a hug from me. Brandygirl.

but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her:sad:

I wouldn't tell her that you have told several thousend complete strangers about her loss, she might not appreciate it.

I am so sorry. That is terrible. I can't imagine what it must be like and thoughts and sympathy with your sister, sister's partner and family.

I am so sorry, my thoughts are with you, your sister and family at this sad time.

A friend of mine went into labour at full term and delivered a still born baby, it's one of the most awful things you can go through.
Just be there for her when she gets home and let her talk as much as she needs to about the baby, some people try to ignore the fact that it even existed to get over it and others need desperatELy to talk about that much needed child.

I'm so so sorry for your sisters loss.

I'd go fully with Dibsy on this. Let your sister take the lead, her head (and hormones) will be all over the place for some time. Don't let it stop you getting in touch with her though for fear of saying the wrong thing. You most certainly will say the wrong thing as there won't be a right thing to say for her right now, so as long as you expect that and still get in touch with her, she probably needs contact from her family even if she pushes you away at first.
My sympathies got out to you all.

I wouldn't tell her that you have told several thousend complete strangers about her loss, she might not appreciate it.

Thats hardly likely to be mentioned, is it? :rolleyes:

Thats really sad news, Squeakyclean. All you can really do is listen. She probably wont want to hear your reasonings (as well meant as they're intended to be). She'll want to cry and grieve. Just be the shoulder she needs to cry on. My heart truly goes out to you all, especially your sister.

Ellybum

x

I wouldn't tell her that you have told several thousend complete strangers about her loss, she might not appreciate it.

Well how helpful, amazing how sensitive people can be.:(

Its never easy knowing what to say, just you and your family being there is all you can do. x x

i think this is more common than we think because it has happened to quite a few people that i know or know of,over the years,it must be totally heartbreaking,i think you just have to be there for her if and when she wants to talk about it.

If squeakyclean gets support form her fellow users on here, then that's great.

If people don't feel that it's appropriate for such support to be offered, then I suggest you don't bother posting and keep your opinions to yourself on this particular issue.

As my mum used to say, if you can't say 'owt nice, say nowt.

Joe

My deepest sympathies to your Sister and yourself. I wish you well.

Loads of love and strength for your sister, you and all of your family. This will be a very sad time for you for a while :( You'll be grieving too so look after yourself too. Funkymiss x

Thank you all so much for your messages of support, it really does help. I think I am going to go over tomorrow night, once she is home from hospital.

Can I just say that I know there are some people that think that things like this should be kept private, well I know that this thread has helped me deal with this and therefore gave me strength to support my sister.

Thank you all once more

Dont be put off by an unhelpful comment, we are here to help each other
we share each others laughter and grief. I have found great comfort from lots of peaple on sf. Take care my heart goes out to you and all your family.
xx :sad:

She will not want to hear this at this time, but everyone should be taught that, on average, only 1 in 3 conceptions reach full term and a succesful delivery.

I don't know if this helps either, but I know a few people it has happened to and they now have children.

Just had to put something, i lost my daughter 16yrs ago, my ex-girlfriend did everything right, but she was born with complications, and we had to switch off her life support machine, the day after she was born. And what anybody says dosn't help, even to this day, she will remember the day for the rest of her life, you have just got to be there for her and listen and hold her when she needs it. My parents didn't approve of my relationship, so we never told them my girlfriend was expecting, and they still don't know. My brother is the only person in my family who know's, and when i went to see new neice a few weeks ago, my brother just patted my shoulder which showed me, he was thinking of me. That was enough. It was a sad but happy day, and she will have days like that, there will be days full of joy but also tinged with sadness for her loss. But don't forget her partner/husband's loss to. he will put on a front like me. But my heart goes out to her and her partner/husband.

I am so sorry Squeakclean to hear your sad news. I would like to say to anyone though that has family or friends going through this situation, please do not send sympathy cards, they are just a reminder of what has been lost. This sadly happened to a friend of mine and I really couldn't bring my self to get a sympathy card. As the baby that had died was a girl I went looking through the new baby cards and was fortunate to find a pink card that was for a new baby, which happened to have an angel cradling the new born, i can't remember what the verse was inside but it wasn't all gushing just something simple like - 'a baby girl', it just seamt so appropriate to send, which I did with a little pink toy. The family in question were so grateful because I had acknowlegded that a baby did exist which is what most people are afraid to do in this situation. Remember, the baby will still be part of their lives even though they didn't get a chance to experience all the things that they would normally do with a baby that is fit and well. Squeakyclean, don't be afraid to ask your sister what the baby was like, what did she weigh, did she have hair, who did she look like etc, your sister will be happy that you are still interested to know these things.

is anyone else crying now .....???

is anyone else crying now .....???

not afraid to say yes :(

I am so sorry to hear this.Hope you are ok?
From what you've said it seems that your unsure what to say to your sis. My advice is to buy her a nice card and write down how sorry you are and how you are feeling in it and take it up to her or send it to her. Dont avoid contacting her just because your scared. Just knowing that your thinking of her will be a comfort to her.Sam x

is anyone else crying now .....???
Yes............ my little grandaughter has spina-bifida, she is 3 months now and still not so good....this reminded me how glad i am to have this chance to know her.
I am so sorry for your sisters loss, try to be strong and be there for her a listening ear and a cuddle if she needs it, my love to you all.

I am so sorry to hear this sad news , the best healer of all is time.
I am speaking from personal experience as I too had to give birth to a full term stillborn child he would have been 9 next month. A postmortum showed no reason for this and then I went through the organ retention scandal.
One child can not replace another but I coped by having another straight away against all advice she was 8 yesterday.

SANDS is a support group which could be of some use ,however I felt better talking to friends and family. Please talk to her ask questions do not be afraid to talk even if she becomes upset tears are a way of expressing grief the worst thing to do thinking you can not talk about it as I am sure she will want to.

Iremember being monitored at the northern general about 35 weeks pregnant ( my first child was delivered by emergency section with complications ) watching This Morning Chris Steele was talking abour birth there was a women on who had had to deliver a stillborn baby vaginally after a section and had pleaded with the doctors to perform another section they refused , all pregnant ladies in the room at the time were upset little did i think it would happen to me.

Has your sister actually given birth yet ?
To be blunt now there is no need for her to suffer pain as very strong drugs can be given ie morphine.

This child will always be your niece no matter what, and your sister's daughter.
GOD BLESS

I just feel so numb at the moment, but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her:sad:

Tell her you love her, and hold her! Any other words will probably be un-necessary, she'll know you share her pain.

Heartfelt thoughts and love to you and all your family.
eagleeyes. x

but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her:sad:

You don't have to say anything. This is one of those situations where words aren't necessary and just being there is enough.

Don't forget to also be there for her partner though. When we lost our baby I was amazed at how many men were there with kind words and support for me.

Hell - this is going to be the hardest thing ever for your sister and her partner.

Agree with all the other Squeakyclean in take the lead from your sister but let her know you don't mind how she reacts cos' you'll all be there now/later/always. All her hopes and future are smashed to pieces at the moment. And as yours are too cos' your family have lost a grandchild/niece/nephew/cousin. Be kind to yourselves and take it on a day to day basis for now.

This must be more common than we realise as it happened at Xmas to close friends of ours and that funeral broke my heart. I have no idea where our friends got their strength to keep going.

I am really saddened to hear of the sad loss of your sisters baby.

I am very fortunate to have gone through 3 pregnancies all of which resulted in the safe arrival of 3 wonderful children but despite my own happy endings as a new mother I was devastated when my sister suffered 2 miscarriages and 3 friends each had stillborn births - I have never stopped worrying about my babies/children since the day they entered the world, I guess you never do!!

I make monthly donations to Tommys Campaign direct from my salary as it is my way of dealing with the strange feeling of almost guilt that I was one of the lucky ones....but saying thanks to the good work they do to try and research why things sometimes do go painfully wrong.

This website/organisation was very helpful to my friend and her family when she lost her baby.

www.compassionatefriends.org/

i am so sorry about your sisters loss my thoughts and prayers go out to you all

What I meant was that she might not want you to tell everyone about it, she might want to do that when shes ready to.

I'm not being nasty, I just think that if it had happened to me I wouldn;t want it broadcast to all and sundry, I'd want some privacy, thats all.

Poor sister and poor you. This post has really moved me. I'm due very soon and every day I wake up with the nagging worry, 'is the baby ok.' But I tell myself, even if something does go wrong, I've still been its mum for nearly nine months, I've fed it - in a manner of speaking - and kept it safe and loved it, and nothing can take that away. The same goes for your sister - she has been a good mum to her unborn child and is still a mum no matter what. Thinking of your family.

Originally Posted by squeakyclean
but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her.
just be yourself,and give her,time,and support,and let her know your there for her,
my heart goes out to you all

This morning my sister went to see her midwife for a routine check- up and the midwife told her that the hearbeat was quite low so she should go to hospital. At the time we were not overly concerned as she was almost full term at 36 weeks, so we sort of expected them to deliver little Lucy or Jessica and everything would be ok.

I have just had a phone call from another sister telling that the baby has died in the womb and my sister has got to go through labour and deliver her. I just can't believe it, my sister is young and healthy ,doesn't smoke and has had a troublefree pregnancy.

To make matters worse, I live 70 miles away from her, although most of my family live close to her. I just feel so numb at the moment, but I am worrying about what I will say to my sister when I do get to speak to her:sad:

i know exactly how you feel the exact same thing happened to my little sister last year, although we arnt that close is still destroyed me

Im so sorry. Loosing a baby is terrible at any time but I cant imagine how hard this is for your sister and all your family.

Im so,so sorry.

The loss of any baby is unbelievably hard and I do understand what her and you are going through. It destroys you and you blame youself for something that you cant change. It will sadden her, and everybody else involved, but you have to be there for one another, talk about it if you can - dont bottle it up cos it'll only come out at big bursts when you're least expecting it.

My thought are with you all and I hope you can get through this tough time.

Helen xx

how sad for you all my thoughts are with you all

What I meant was that she might not want you to tell everyone about it, she might want to do that when shes ready to.


Good job that she's anonymous and no-one knows her. And she probably doesn't come on here herself. I think that the OP was the one wanting comfort and had no intention of abusing someone's privacy.

I'm not being nasty,

Yeah you are Nick. That's what you do.

Thank you all again, especially for some of the lovely pm's. It was never my intention to broadcast the news, I do realise that the forum is widely used but I assumed that people who chose to read it may have some advice.

My sister do not use this board as she lives in East yorkshire, if she did use it then maybe I wouldn't have posted this, but who knows, as some of the reponses have been a great comfort to me and helped me to support my family, so it may help my sister too.

nature has dealt us a cruel blow and now we have to be strong and deal with the funeral etc.

Oh God this made me cry. I am so, so, so, so, so sorry. Nobody should ever have to experience such pain.

If you ever need a chat or a scream, I am a good listener and am here if you need me.

Really really sorry. So sad. xxxxx

how awful,so sorry to hear your sad news.The same happened to my cousins wife last year, she is a young healthy non-smoker,and it was her first pregnancy.She was about 7 months pregnant,and noticed the baby wasn't moving ,so went straight to the hospital to check it out,where they found no heart beat and the baby had died.I just cannot imagine how awful that must be,every mothers worst nightmare.But if thats not bad enough ,they don't usually deliver the baby straight away,they have to induce the labour with a pessary which took a couple of days,then deliver the baby.They chose to have a funeral which I thought was very brave(if it was me I would just want to hide away) so the next day after going through all this hell, they had to go shopping for a tiny premature baby suit to dress him in in his coffin.At the funeral they said how they had spent a couple of days with him at the hospital,(with him dead)bathed him and dressed him and were just around him,and took photos-I couldn't really understand this,seems a bit weird,but they said those couple of days with him,were the happiest of thier life.So so sad,but everyone needs to deal with things in thier own way.They sent him off with a lovely funeral,which gave a slight closure to the situation to people distant from the situation like me.But for them he will always be part of thier family,and I think time is the only healer of grief(something like this never goes away).I think the funeral was the right thing to do,partly because ,in situations like this nobody knows what to say,everyone wants to offer thier sympathy,and it's an awkward sfeeling for all ,so they can all get it out of the way at once,and the bereaved parents,don't have to have it as the first things friends and family say to them for the following weeks -if that makes sense,rather than it having to be the first topic of conversation,when ever they see anyone.Good luck to your sister,nature can be so wonderful,but so cruel also.

Yeah you are Nick. That's what you do.

Ouch - even I felt that !!

I am so sorry. My thoughts go out to you all. Cannot begin to imagine how you are all feeling.

So very sorry for all your family, I like most other people that have read this am crying :(

My thoughts are with you and your sister

Px

for once.....i am at a loss for words, god bless the baby, and i hope your sister makes a good recovery over time,her heart must be broken now,only your families love can help to mend it, sympathy and deepest regrets....depoix

It happened to me and it is a dreadful time. i now have three children i am very lucky. when you see her you probably won't have to say anything just wrap your arms around her and take it from there.

much love lizx

my daughter went through the same thing I was totally gutted for her to go all that time and it was born dead I have never really got over it losing our second grandchild, my wife what was then when it happened just locked herself away as she couldnt come to terms with it losing our second grandchild and she was a baby girl she would have been 9 years old now. I hope you get all the love and attention so that you can come to terms with what as happened and I feel right down now for you. so soooooorry for your loss

i`ve been through the exact same thing,and the best advice i can give you is please let her talk about it when she wants, it could be straight away or even weeks, months or years from now,all i really know is that its something that never leaves you but it does get easier, i wish the son i lost a happy birthday every year and i still have my `bad` days but i thank god for a supportive family and understanding friends who are quite happy to listen to me when i tell them about the lovely boy who was my son.incidentally i went on to have 2 daughters and another son without any problems.hope this helps slightly,i wish you all the best xxx

Just a quick update, so if the mods could alter the original title a little,that would be great.

Little Aaron was born on the 11th of april 2007,and my sister and her partner are over the moon.

Baby did have some breathing difficulties, when he was born, but he is fine now, and on his way home.

I'm so pleased that little Aaron made it into the world and hope that your sister is a little less heartbroken now (I know that nothing will fill the hole left though).

Welcome to the world little one.

I've gotta say, the original thread made me cry, I'm crying again now due to the edit!

I'm so, so pleased for all your family, I wish you all the very best for the future.

<massive hugs>

Pert

that's wonderful news, squeaky!

:clap: :clap: :clap:

That is absolutely amazing news, congratulations to all.

Cannot begin to imagine the range of emotions that you all went through.

Oh dear, there has been some confusion here. Darling Jessica did die in April 2006, her little brother has just arrived. The amazing thing is that Aaron would have been born on Jessica's birthday,but the hospital agreed to speed upthe labour to avoid this.

It's so sad what happened with little Jessica and it must have been awful for the parents.
Congratulations on the arrival of Aaron he will bring so much joy and happiness :love:

Ooooops- sorry squeaky. I've amended the title again.

Apologies for getting the wrong end of the stick.

oh my god, i am sat at my laptop crying my eyes out after reading through all of this thread.
It is the most heartbreaking thing to lose a child, (i had three miscarriages,then went on to have 3 beautiful boys)
I am so happy that you have a new nephew, and your sister is a new mummy to a healthy little boy.
congratulations, and i`m sure little Aaron will bring great pleasure into your family!

No worries Medusa, maybe I should have opened a new thread to save any confusion.

Thanks for editing my title.

How awful My mum had a baby that was still-born. I often wonder what my other sister would have been like even now over sixty years later. She did however go on to have another beautiful sister for me.

Congratulations to you, your sister and all of your family.

Aaron was born on my little sister's 14th Birthday :D I wish him and any future siblings all the very best xxx

That is wonderful news Squeaky. Congratulations to the whole family. x

Congrats hun.All my love to you all.x x x